Some Rules for Teen and Tween Cell Phone Use

There are some things that seem so natural together that seeing one without the other just doesn't seem right: peanut butter and jelly, pancakes and syrup, tweens and teens with cellular phones. Everywhere you look there are packs of children with cellular phones. I remember hearing horror stories from parents about the phone bills they would receive due to their children's phone habits. As the mother of a little girl who is now a tween, I saved every story I heard about the overuse and abuse of cellular phone privileges.

My best friend's nephew is a great kid. However, when his grandmother added a phone to her account for his fourteenth birthday, I cringed. In less than two months, his grandmother nearly fainted when she got a bill for one thousand one hundred dollars. When I heard about this, I went weak in the knees thinking about how I would feel in that situation. The majority of the fees on that bill were pay-per-use text messages, excessive use of plan minutes, and downloading games and ringtones. She immediately removed the ability to text or download from all phones on the account, and she changed the nights and weekends plan to start earlier and arranged for more minutes on her plan. From her situation, I learned to not just give a child a phone without setting the first and most important rule: Do not use any available pay-per-use service without permission.

I cannot speak for other people, but at this time, I am trying to cut costs and earn more money. I gave my daughter a cellular phone, since we had procured a phone for a family member who returned it to us while there was still over one year on the service plan. As most cell phone customers know, the cancellation fees can cost more than keeping the extra line, so I decided to take a chance on my twelve-year-old, and let her use the phone. The town in which I work is next to the one in which we live, but phone calls between them are long distance. Our cellular phones were purchased in the town in which I work, too. The school will not let her call if she misses her bus or if an activity is canceled since it costs them extra to do so. As long as she keeps the phone turned off and leaves it in her bag, she is allowed to have carry it at school. Before she had the cell phone, the teachers would have her call from the phone of another child. I found that quite ridiculous, since I would be seriously displeased to learn that my daughter had been told to loan her phone to another student when they should be able to use the phone in the office. I imagine the parents of the other children must have been displeased, too. This situation brought my next rule: Do not loan the phone to a friend or another student. If the school has an issue with this, they are welcome to contact me and discuss it.

As a mother, I like to be available to my children when I am needed. However, when I first gave my daughter the phone, I was constantly getting texts and voicemails that were not necessary, at all. I know, it is exciting when you get to have a phone of your own, but I keep my phone on vibrate in my pocket in case of an emergency. When I am at work, the constant buzzing is not earning points for me with my employer. I work in adult education, I often administer tests. The testing enviroment needs to be peaceful. I do not want to turn my phone off, but I cannot let it continually buzz. I had to explain to my daughter that I would not be able to keep my phone with me if she did not stop. That caused one more rule: Unless permission is asked, the phone is only to be used in emergencies or the sincere need to convey a message about missing the bus or canceled activities.

When it concerns my daughter's friends, I ask her to make certain she is not burning their minutes, and I ask the same from them. I feel that this is fair. At this time, we have unlimited texts between our phones, but not everyone does. We have not increased our minutes or our nights and weekends since we cannot afford it, yet. However, I feel that this learning time and these rules will help my daughter learn to use her phone resposibly. There are also the basic rules concerning how late she can have calls or texts, and when she is in trouble the phone is off-limits to her. So far, this is working. I am grateful to the people who have teenagers that made those mistakes. I may not be able to avoid every disaster, but I can be aware of the possiblities and try to prepare for them.

Personal experience and tales of friends and family.