Someone Please Steal My Wife!
Wives Are Property of Men
In what could be a made-for-TV movie, a millionaire and a plumber went to court over the theft of the plumber's wife by the millionaire. The plumber's wife went with the millionaire but now the plumber is $750,000 richer. Yeee-haaaaahhhh! Don'tcha just love America? Between antiquated laws and salivating lawyers, even the common man can get rich. It should be mentioned that Johnny's original lawsuit amount was for $22 million. Hey, $750,000 smackers ain't bad. I wonder, though, how much his lawyer will get?
Here's how it went down: Johnny's wife, Sandra, went to work for the millionaire businessman from Holly Springs, Miss., Jerry Fitch, Sr. She then had an affair with him and got pregnant. Poor Johnny was confused and accused Sandra of adultery. She denied it, but Johnny was smart enough to get genetic tests done that proved he was not the father. The original news source, the AP, didn't mention how Johnny managed to get the child's DNA tested. The end result was the court battle over the "stolen wife" and "alienation of affection".
According to the Mississippi high court, the purpose of such a suit is ""the protection of the love, society, companionship, and comfort that form the foundation of a marriage."
The plumber, Johnny Valentine (how ironic is that name?) also included $112,000 in punitive damages in his lawsuit and the millionaire, Jerry Fitch, Sr., doesn't think he should have to pay that. But he apparently had no problem with the $750,000 award to Jerry. So Jerry is appealing to the Supreme Court in an attempt to limit what a spouse can recover for "alienation of affection".
I'm going to suggest to my wife of twenty-eight years that she hook up with a wealthy guy, I'll sue, and then she can leave him later on and join me at our beach house in Costa Rica. But we'll have to move to one of those seven states first, as New York doesn't have this progressive law on its books.
Published by Robert Douglas
Retired from the Air Force Medical Service, Vietnam Veteran, father of 2 children, grandfather of five girls, the ideal husband and a graduate of the Long Ridge Writers Group and AWAI Copywriter Courses. Fo... View profile
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2 Comments
Post a CommentInteresting, I didn't know any state still had such laws still in effect.
Ha! What a gas! Great article! Here's some more "lawyer irony": When a trainer kicked me in the knee, ruining it forever (taking me out of police work), and a surgeon botched the repair, making it even worse, I was unable to convince a lawyer to collect damages, because "Workman's Comp" laws limit what the lawyer can keep. But when an aggressive, free-roaming dog chomped down on my arm, causing permanent (but not debilitating) nerve damage, the lawyers jumped right on it, and won a sizable amount from the homeowner's insurance!