Something like Suicide

It's like clenching your teeth in frustration, banging your hands with aggravation.
Like a broken heart or feeling your last breath.
It's overwhelming desperation.
A need that hits in full force like heroine. Screaming when no one's listening and chasing delusions.
It's like lusting for numbness.
I'm helplessly useless Uselessly helpless, to make sense of this sense.
It's like butterfly's in your stomach when you don't want it. I can't help it, like an obsession.
A haunted wonderland in my darkest dreams.
It's a filthy feeling that keeps me longing, shamed in disgust.
Its the tears filling the brim of my eyes as I smile and turn to the side.
It's the burning in my throat when I try desperately not to cry.
Its you misunderstanding every single line.... and me acting like I don't mind.