Song Titles to Get You Through a Divorce

One of the most stressful times of my life was the year it took for my divorce to be finalized. We had children, which prolonged the process interminably. Now that it is finally over, I often reflect on that year with a bit of humor.

Being divorced is similar to belonging to a club, as each member has his own unique horror story to share. If you're reading this, you've probably unwillingly become a member. Let me welcome you and assure you that the result is much more pleasant than the process.

Here are ten song titles that may comfort you during and after the many court appearances. Finally getting that divorce is what allowed me the freedom to brainstorm such a list and write this article. Hopefully you will enjoy similar freedom when you are legally able to shed that ball and chain that you for some reason once loved.

10. "The Trial" by Phil Ochs: The song is about one of Phil Ochs' favorite themes, social injustice, but is certainly relevant to most divorces. In fact the entire process is a trial, which could last even longer than the thirteen months mine required.

9. "Restraining Order Blues" by Eels: The band's leader E. swears he's not a violent man, "just someone who knows he's in love." My ex didn't need to file a restraining order to keep me away from her, but she got one anyway. She thought it would help her win custody of our children.

8. "Calling of Not Calling Your Ex" by Okkervil River: This debate is beautifully pondered on the inde band's excellent album, The Stand Ins. I admit that there are times during my divorce that I longed to patch things up with my wife, but they were fleeting and few.

7. "Good Morning Judge" by 10cc: This is one of the many clever tracks from Deceptive Bends, one of the band's most successful albums. The troubled guy is constantly appearing before the judge, which is the same fate as those of us in the divorced club.

6."Witness" by The Wallflowers: Jakob Dylan sounds quietly threatening in this track from Breach, even more threatening than the sister-in-law who was a witness against me.

5. "A Legal Matter" by The Who: This recording from the band's early days is narrated by a man obviously tired of domestic life, who cries "My mind's lost in a household fog, wedding gowns and catalogs, kitchen furnishings and houses, maternity clothes and baby trousers."

4."Separate Beds" by Squeeze: The kids in this song from Argybargy were confined to separate beds by their parents. My ex and I should have done the same thing, since we were forced to live in the same house until the divorce was final. Instead we kept just the one bed in the master bedroom, each trying to ignore the partner sharing the same cover.

3. "Haitian Divorce" by Steely Dan: This song from The Royal Scam has the best solution for divorce- go to Haiti, where there's "No hesitation, no tears and no hearts breaking, no remorse." Babs and Clean Willie, the couple in the song, obviously had no children, or even their Haitian divorce would not have been so quick.

2. "Lawyers, Guns, and Money" by Warren Zevon: The troubled guy from Excitable Boy needs the three evils because of gambling and underhanded transactions. Still, anyone contemplating divorce would be well-advised to keep these three things handy.

1. "Alimony" by Weird Al: The lyrics here, sung to the tune of "Mony Mony," are as witty as any Al ever penned. My favorites include, "She took my nest egg then she took my nest" and "Lawyers callin' me on the telephony, Tryin' to squeeze some blood from a stonee."