Sonic Shuffle for Sega Dreamcast

Released: November 14, 2000
Platform: Dreamcast
Publisher: SEGA
Developer: SEGA
Genre: Party

Before I get started, I should say something nice about this game. The cell shaded graphics do give it a distinct look that makes the game visually appealing, although it doesn't really approachJet Grind Radio's stylistic appearance.

That said, this game fucking blows. Stay the fuck away. Unless you have a sick hard on for Sonic the Hedgehog, move on and don't give this piece of shit a second thought.

I imagine that some Sega execs were sitting in a room plotting the eventual degradation of their beloved mascot, years before he would truly fall from grace in games that play on consoles made by Microsoft, Sony, and Nintendo. One of them had an idea to copy Mario Party (which, IMO, also sucks, but to a far less degree), and then they collectively shat out Sonic Shuffle.

It's a board game videogame with fucking virtual playing cards. If that description alone makes you not want to play it, then actually playing it will.

You play as the cast from Sonic Adventure. Players get to move on the board by playing a card, either one of your own or you can gank the card of another player. If you land on a special square you wait for about a full 20 seconds and then you get to play a mini game. Loading is half the gameplay! Once you actually get to the game, you have seconds to learn the rules, which are extremely complicated in some cases. Other special squares take you to an obnoxious card game battle mode, like Pokemon or some shit.

And if you can't afford to pay three other people to play this game with you, then there's absolutely no point in even attempting the solo "story mode." Sonic Shuffle has the worst cheating AI ever. If the game can find a way to fuck you over, then count on being fucked over.

Yes, there's a story. It involves the mystical dream world cleverly named "Maginaryworld." They put about as much effort into coming up with that as they did into the rest of the game. The point of the whole fucking mess is to collect some "Precioustones" which you get by winning mini games. If you're the player who has the most at the end, then a winner is you.