Sorry, No Public Restroom Here

Why is it that so many businesses refuse to offer a public restroom, but have no trouble selling you food or drinks to create the necessity? Even pregnant women sometimes can't catch a break! What's the deal?

Have you ever been out shopping, traveling, or passing time at a public location, only to find that when nature calls there is nowhere to relieve yourself? I certainly have, and frankly, I am quite unnerved by this latest trend.

I often stop at gas stations and convenience stores when I travel any distance at all. The vast majority of these stores sell a wide variety of snacks and drinks, and will gladly take your money for them. Yet, should you need to use the restroom, many times you are simply out of luck.

In one particular incident, while in the middle of who-knows-where and at the only gas station available in miles, mother nature made a sudden visit. "Excuse me," I said to the clerk behind the desk, "where is your restroom?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," the woman replied. "We don't have a public restroom anymore."

I thought to myself, are you kidding? What was I supposed to do, squat in the back of the building? I knew good and well that a restroom was in fact available. After all, where would the employees relieve themselves? Mother Nature then made herself known in a very uncomfortable manner. As I held it in even tighter I said, "Ma'am, listen. I know why you do not offer a public restroom. There are too many people who pee or poop all over the place or flush things down the toilet. But I am in an emergency situation here and there is nowhere else for me to go. I would gladly pay you to use the restroom, or if you want, you can even watch me to make sure that I don't destroy anything. But I really, really need to go, and I am asking for your consideration."

She hesitated for a few minutes. I pulled cash out of my wallet and placed it on the counter. "Would this be enough money for me to use the restroom?" Then she replied that it was against policy to allow anyone to use the restroom, because the facilities were located near the cash office. She sympathized, but she could not allow me to use their restroom. Begging, as it would seem, does not do any good when a policy and one's job is on the line.

Scenarios like this one are becoming more and more common across the nation. Thanks to unscrupulous individuals, who think it is funny to flush paper towels or who-knows-what down the commode, businesses are now shutting the bathroom doors to visitors. In addition, some businesses have been sued by individuals when they catch communicable illnesses from the toilet seats, sink, or other facilities. In other locations, the business owners simply do not have the time to clean up and re-stock after streams of bathroom-only customers make their presence known. Finally, some employees find themselves completely out of luck when nature calls, thanks to the way the restroom is destroyed, vandalized, or misused.

I asked one local thrift store owner why she chose to not offer a public restroom. "Well, for one thing there is a sanitary issue. Ladies aren't so bad, but men tend to pee all over everything. Then, there are some women who won't clean up after themselves when its that time of the month. Also, we have had some people go into the bathroom, where we could not see them, and steal things."

What should you do if you find yourself in need of a public restroom and one cannot be found. First and foremost, never relieve yourself behind the building. Doing so could get you thrown in jail! Even if you think no one is watching or you are well hidden from the general public, many times there are hidden cameras to catch you in the act. Relieving yourself in public carries a varied range of punishments and convictions, depending on the arresting officer.

I personally know of one gentleman who, after being denied a public restroom, relieved himself behind the building and was arrested for indecent exposure. In addition, since a child happened to run away from its mother and spotted him, he is now also classified as a child sex offender as well. This poor man is now registered as a sex offender in the state of Oklahoma, despite his perfectly clean background. Since Oklahoma does not differentiate between degrees of offenses, he now as difficulty finding employment or housing.

You can always try begging the cashier to let you use the restroom. Trust me, one IS on site. Nobody opens a place of business without at least one restroom. Don't believe them when they say, "We don't have a restroom here." Unless there is some sort of a major renovation going on, or if there is a fluke water shortage / temporary shut off going on, they do have a restroom. If its an emergency, then drastic measures may be in order, such as begging or offering money.

If you are brazen enough, you could make a statement like this... "Look, I am about to piss my pants and make a great big puddle all over your floor. Now unless you want to clean up the mess, you are going to have to let me use your restroom. Follow me in there. I don't care! But I need to go, and go now!" The thought of cleaning up a puddle of pee makes most cashiers think twice, and if they are able at all, they will tell you to go ahead. If they still say no, then there is nothing you can do, as they have the right to refuse service to anyone. Don't push your luck on this one if they say no, because further statements might get you arrested for threatening vandalism on the property. (Isn't our legal system grand?)

Women seem to get by with the begging thing much easier than men. I can't imagine a man begging for the restroom, can you? I'd imagine that he would most likely just walk behind the building and take his chances. Or, they might drive down the road a mile or so and go in the ditch, which would avoid the cameras.

I remember driving down a major highway one day and seeing a man and woman both squatted in the grass beside their car, bare butts shining in the sun. "Did you see that?" I asked my husband. "Yup," he said. "I'll bet they got denied at that store behind us like we did."