Soul Doctor's Guide to Sex

Ok so you're tired of living in the doghouse, begging for sex when you want it, and not getting it when you need it. So you're wondering what the heck is wrong with women? Don't they like sex too? The obvious answer to this question is 'no'.

They love it. So what's the problem? You're barely getting any and the old lady across the street is starting to look good. Well the simple things first. Understanding how we both operate on similar principles is key to getting your woman to love you anytime you want.

For most men, women are 'all emotion', and for most women men are 'all muscle and no brain', but this is simply evidence of a lack of communication. Muscle is exactly what a woman wants in a man, and conversely, emotion is what a man wants from a woman. So how, then, do we bring both together into the unity of sex?

Women have three basic needs: To be seen, heard, and felt. Not necessarily in that order, and not necessarily always in the physical sense that the words relay. Sure, a woman likes to be touched, but that is the external, physical aspect of being 'felt'. There is also an internal, emotional aspect. A woman wants to be understood as well.

Let me clarify. There is a difference between 'need' and 'want'. A woman who's physical needs are not being met might resort to alternatives to satisfy those needs, such as masturbation or 'toys'. But a woman who's emotional wants or desires are not being met will sooner or later succumb to those desires. In one way or another. Simply stated, if you're not special paying attention to her, someone else will. As I said before, a woman wants to be understood, so she might take the time to explain herself. When she does, Listen to her. This is point one. It only takes a moment, and it pays off in the long run.

Often times, a woman will not say what she is feeling directly. She will instead say something that leads to it indirectly. For instance, instead of saying, 'I'm feeling lonely tonight.', she might instead say 'Want to watch a movie?' Now as a guy, you might starting thinking 'sex' because of the close proximity to your woman during such activities, and she might be thinking the same thing too. But this is often where we men screw up, and the evening goes wrong.

We need to understand that women are sensual beings, meaning that they find pleasure in physical sensations such as being touched. A woman wants to enjoy the pleasure that is sex. It is a good feeling, and one that men are also quite familiar with. But for a woman, two to three minutes to climax is usually not possible. For men, on average there is no problem. The phrase 'three minute man' did not just happen to become a catch phrase for women concerning men's lack of sexual prowess.

Even if a man could work magic in those three minutes, if all she's going to get is three minutes, she'll start to consider other things she can do with her time, rather than be brought close to heaven only to have the door slammed in her face. So when she say's 'no' to your pawing advances, it is not as a total rejection of you, it is a protective response for her feelings.

Think of how we men feel when we are teased. How often have you watched Charlie Brown be convinced by Lucy that she is not going yank the football away every time he wants to kick it? If every time you got ready to lay down with your lady, and just as the feeling is beginning to build, and she says 'I've got a headache', and leaves you literally hanging, what would you do? Keep putting yourself through that? No, you wouldn't. You might, every once in a while, submit yourself to such an experience because your woman has been begging you for the past two weeks to have sex with her, but you have to mentally prepare yourself for it. Going to the race without finishing it is really not a exciting prospect.

So consider that. If you want to experience the pleasure of your own climax, how much more does a woman want to experience the pleasure of hers? Especially since she can do it multiple times, while we men collapse after the first one. How do you resolve the conflict?

Now that you're sitting on the couch with your girl, cuddled up and she's smiling. You're probably thinking back to the last time you were sitting here, on this same couch, thinking the same thing, and wanting to have sex. How do you get from there to sex without crossing the same line you crossed last time?

Did she say 'all you ever do is think about is sex'? Well, don't be discouraged. It's all she ever thinks about too. She just thinks about it in a different way. This is where the second point comes in: Pay attention to her. The third point is to involve yourself with her, but we'll come to that later.

So you're still sitting on the couch, looking at the tv screen, but feeling the closeness of her. Just what do you think she wants? When was the last time you talked to her rather than at her? When was the last time you expressed an interest in her outfit? Has she taken the time to enhance her appearance? Or is she just sitting there looking like she just got out of bed?

When you pay attention to a woman, it's not just about her external appearance, although it may appear to be what she spends most of her time on. That is just a door to the surface. What lies beneath is the true woman. Do you know her? Have you ever gotten to speak with her? Do you know anything about the woman inside of the body sitting next to you? What is she? What are her dreams? Her goals and aspirations? Thoughts on world hunger? The housing market? Video games? Does she like sushi? Do you even care?

The point is to involve yourself with her. Involving yourself means showing an interest. It means paying attention. It means listening. Now how can you use these three keys to your advantage? Remember the three basic needs of a woman? Well, if you were paying attention to her, you would see her for who she is, not for what she appears to be.

If you were listening to her, you would find yourself understanding her and able to relate to her. You'd feel how she felt. You'd make that essential emotional connection. Not only this, if you were involving yourself with her, you'd make her feel the things she wants to feel: Appreciated. Cared for. Passion.

Ok, let's recap: A woman has three basic needs; to be seen, heard, and felt. For her, a part of being felt means she wants someone to know who she is, maybe even how she came to be the way she is. It doesn't mean she wants to be grabbed, poked, or prodded every time she walks by. She wants to know that someone cares about how she feels. The only way she can know this is if you, as her man, are implementing point one by listening to her.

Point two was pay attention to her. What is new this week? Did she get her hair done? Why? Her nails? Why? Did she buy a new outfit or two? Why? This are the things women do in order to make themselves feel beautiful, when we men fail to. She does it to draw attention to herself, hopefully the attention of her man, but she might take a compliment from someone else.

Point three is to involve yourself with her. Get to know who she really is. After the dating game is over, she is still developing. Changing, learning, growing, and so are you. Keep this in mind. Our opinions change, and so do our perspectives. For most of us, it is easy to speak our minds when we don't have to care about the someone else's feelings, but in relationships feelings are the major issue. If a woman cannot relate her feelings, she becomes closed off and isolated. For men, this may not be an issue but it is why relationships fail when everything else seemed to be going right. You didn't listen, you weren't paying attention, and you were involved with something else rather than with her.

Now let's see if we can implement these keys, and get from the couch to the bedroom with our goal in mind. First off, listen to her: 'Honey, is something wrong? You seem to not be yourself today.' If you key the questions right, she let down her barriers as she opens up to you, firstly emotionally, then physically.

But the next step here is foreplay. Yep, there's that word. Involving yourself with your lady also means being physical, but the key to foreplay is how you are being physical. Remember this: There is a physical as well as an emotional side to sex. Women and men complement each other. Or better yet are a complete-ment of each other. We males are the usual aggressor, and women want to be aggressed. So do it passionately. Tenderly. Carefully and with emotion. Use the estrogen that our male bodies produce to empathize with your woman.

Here is where a woman wanting to be felt is a good thing, and this time it doesn't involve any conversation that you don't want it to. Foreplay is the key to sexual enjoyment, longevity, and fulfillment. It also helps with making a man last longer than three minutes.

I find that if you involve yourself with your woman for at least fifteen minutes prior to trying for penetration, the sensations that lead to premature ejaculation (as well as a woman's incomplete satisfaction) is greatly reduced. Even if ejaculation takes place during foreplay, it is in anticipation of the emotionally intense release physically coupling with a woman provides, so don't worry about it. It won't sap your strength. Another good strategy to reduce premature ejaculation is to masturbate ten to fifteen minutes before hand. Pun, intended. This works wonders. If once doesn't get it, two or three times definitely will.

When you are emotionally involving yourself with your woman, you are feeling her and satisfying an emotional need she has. This is something you have to be careful with. It is the same reason she was attracted to you in the first place, at least partly. The initial wonder of not knowing anything about you. Now that she has had time to find out, and you're not satisfying her, she might start to wonder again. But with a new stranger. So pay attention.

This is what she is really wanting: To be handled and treated like precious cargo, or to be fully explored like an Amazonian jungle, leaving no skin untouched and no covering unturned. The next point is to listen to her. During copulation, a woman might mumble or whisper things that she doesn't intent for you to hear. Or she may simply think them and keep the secret from you that way. That is because you might have a habit of not listening, and she is not willing to open up to you. So talk to her. See what she has to say. See what she wants to feel.

I find, surprisingly enough, that encouraging your woman to-how shall I say this maturely- 'back that thang up' will really get her juices flowing. Encouraging her to be a little 'freaky' might spur her on into the unknown and she might take you with her. Don't ask her what she likes. Do tell her what you like about her. Admire her. Tell her how it feels for you to be with her, and how you want her to her to feel when she is with you.

If you keep this avenue of communication open, you will find that eventually she will open up to you and let you into her emotional world. Which is exactly where you need to be. Now, if you learn to master these points, and use these keys effectively, you will find the door to your woman's love always open. Don't discard the keys. Just because the door is open, doesn't mean it can't be closed again.

Foreplay gentlemen, foreplay. They say flattery will get you everywhere, but foreplay will let you get sex almost anytime you want it. Once a week should be good to start. That way you don't wear yourself out initially. It takes great effort to break old habits. Also there could be consequences for taking my advice. Your lady might not let you out of her sight, bed, or house, without being firmly in tow, so be sure to prepare for contingencies. Otherwise, enjoy yourself. That's what it was given to you for. The Doctor is out.