Southern Hometown: The Lifestyle in Augusta, Georgia

It's funny how hometowns always seem great in theory until you go back for a visit. That's how it felt going to Augusta (which a few friends and I have not-so-affectionately nick-named "Disgusta"), Georgia last weekend to catch a movie with my mother. It really makes me appreciate Statesboro, where I now reside. There is always something terrible taking place in happy old Augusta, Georgia. First of all, it is just plain filthy. You can literally smell the city drawing near. As soon as you feel that nausiating sent of pollution and paper plants flowing into your nostrils, you can be sure you're getting close to Augusta.

After having lived there for thirteen years myself, I can tell you quite honestly that the prettiest place you'll come across in the city is the River Walk. But be sure that you don't stick around after nightfall, or you'll find yourself running into a hooker, or having a chat with a crack-head, or hearing some fabricated down-on-my-luck story cooked up by an addict of some sort in order to get you to cough up some money to support his or her drug habbit.

The school systems also leave something to be desired. They are just about the saddest excuse for providers of education known to man. Even the newest school in the city (from which I graduated) gets a bomb-threat once a week and has four to five police officers on duty at all times.

The crime-rate in Augusta is through the roof. The criminals out-number the police officers; the slums out-number the 'burbs. Pick up a paper on any given day and be prepared to hear about the latest murder, rape, or robbery. You cannot set foot inside a gas station after midnight due to extreme fear of armed robbery, so be prepared to stand in line at a window. But, you need to use the bathroom, right? Well- better find a Waffle House! As a matter of fact, on our way to the movie, I happened to notice an article about a man who suffocated his sons (ages four and seven) and killed himself. Prior to the murder/suicide, however, he had sent out videos to both the Richmond County Police Department and his exwife explaining that he had committed the murders in the hopes that he had ruined his exwife's life. Well, mission accomplished, Psycho- I'm sure her life is ruined. And speaking of nut-jobs- I'm sure you all remember the man who raped and murdered ten year-old Jessica Lunsford of Florida. Well, after being on the run, guess where he was found? You guessed it- Augusta, Georgia.

Though bigots are a common annoyance in nearly every city in the nation, they run rampant in Augusta. Perhaps this is due to the fact that it was one of the last cities in the south to desegregate. Racial slurs pop up more frequently in conversation than verbs. If some of these morons could apply the colorful creativity they use to insult minorities to their every day lives, they probably could have made something of themselves and found a way out of that grimy hell-hole.

Don't get me wrong- Augusta is still home to a lot of wonderful people who hold my love and adoration. But it also houses a ridiculously large number of intellectually-impaired and socially- inept individuals with violent tendencies.