Space Junk-men Wanted, Must Be Willing to Travel to Great Lengths

Space junk-men wanted: are you going to apply? There is a lot of junk floating aimlessly in space and it is starting to take up too much space. It is actually getting in the way of the earth's orbit and if we don't take care of the trash we may be off kilter or knocked off our axis! Who wants to be hit in the side of the planet with a spaced out piece of junk?

If you can use a really big, high-tech space vac, then you may be just the person to apply for the title of Space Junk-man. My question is this - once you suck up all the space trash with a space vac, where does it go then? Aren't we just rearranging the space junk without actually getting rid of it?

Since we are in dire need of new jobs and no one is doing much about it, perhaps being a Space Junk-man will fill the void. There is enough work for more than one brave soul, so if you apply to the ad for Space Junk-men wanted, you probably won't be alone. There is a lot to be accomplished out there in space.

There are 22,000 items flying through space that are large enough to be tracked from earth. That doesn't take into consideration all the little trash that can get in the way. The space trash can cause damage to valuable satellites. Can you imagine how angry you would be if some of this space junk messed up your Direct TV Satellite programming? We don't want any of our spy satellites knocked off-line either. We need to keep up with what's happening out there and space is a great equalizer.

I don't know what the benefits will be. If health insurance and a 401K plan are provided, millions of people will apply. This won't be easy. Yes, the work will be difficult until you get used to being weightless. Perhaps free room and board at the space station will be part of the package deal. Haven't you wondered what really goes in there?

So instead of wasting time filling out applications for those office jobs where you'll be stuck in a cubical 9 hours a day, work in space instead. You can be yourself and hang around outside with the Milky Way as a backdrop. Just think of all the new things you will come across.

If any of you think this is a good solution, feel free to call someone in Washington, they have start a sub-committee to look into it and you should get a response in, oh, say 10 or 20 years.

And if you do get a job as a Space Junk-man, tell the Man in the Moon I said Hi!

Source:

LATimes.com

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