Spanking: A View from the South
Once I had my first beautiful child, that all changed. Suddenly I couldn't bear to think of breaking out the belt for the offense of sneaking a cracker. Remembering the parents who'd told me to "whup" my child, I tried to follow the advice. And after all, in the South, there isn't much room information on alternative ways of parenting. You either spank or... Have bad kids. I was never offered the idea of gentler parenting so I had to pull together ideas for myself.
My saving grace was the internet. On it I was able to find like-minded parents from other parts of the country and world, and some who, like me, were from the South but looking for a way out of the cycle. I finally found out that not everyone spanks and that there are indeed, different ways to parent that result in happier and healthier children. From these parents I learned that often, not spanking leads to children who will actually talk to you as teenagers instead of shutting you out.
I learned that spanking isn't the only way. In fact studies have shown that spanking increases the risk that if a child is molested he or she won't tell. Not to mention the damage that it does to the parent/child relationship. Children put their trust completely in their parents, their love is pure and unadulterated. Spanking kills that, it instills fear where there was once love. The "respect" that it brings is not the respect of one person to another it is the fear of a dictator. As history has taught us the people suppressed by a dictator most often eventually rebel and overthrow. Even when they do not, the dictator is constantly fighting the rebels who have a never ceasing attack against the dictator and his followers.
There are so many options to spanking. Some operate under the gentle discipline form of parenting. Others use tools such as time outs. The best thing to do is to follow your instincts and treat your children as you would like to be treated yourself. Remember that everyone grows older and one day your life and well-being may be dependent on these very individuals that you have so thoughtlessly "punished" today. Show them the courtesy and respect you'll want to be shown then.
Published by Muttix
I am interested in language acquisition, poetry, natural living, issues concerning children, music, art, crafts, and fitness. View profile
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9 Comments
Post a CommentGreat article. I too am a believer in not spanking until absolutely necessary. I am fortunate I have two great kids until we go in public(lol). It also helps that I am a calm person for the most part. Your children react to you. So, they are usually extremely happy, and my daughter is a comedian. She understands and portrays slapstick comedy. She loves to make people happy. My son actually reminds me of my brother. He is laid back and quiet(as quiet as a three year old can be).
I believe spanking should definitely be a last resort
Totally agree. There is so much out there right now research wise that supports everything you're saying. Spanking can make the problems worse NOT better in many cases. I never spank and have never been spanked as a child. Grew up as an A+ student, college graduate, and am very close with my family. My husband on the other hand was spanked and ended up rebelling, doing drugs and quit high school. He doesn't have a very good relationship with his family either. Not saying this is the case for everyone but definitely gave us something to think about when disciplining our little girl.
Plenty of people not from the south also whip their kids. I believe in it, but not on a exclusive basis. I do what each kid responds to best.
I was raised in the north and live in the South. My momma whupped my butt on general principle. I beleive in a quick tap on the rear or hand when word's don't get the point across.
Great article. I, too, am from the South and was raised to think that spanking was IT. Luckily, as soon as my first daughter was born, I discovered other ways to discipline my children. I was "whipped" with belts, switches, paddles and hands; sometimes to the point of leaving welts on my body. My children have never known that kind of pain and never will if I have anything to say about it.
As you mentioned there are other (and better) ways to teach children to behave. One of the best is through example because babies and toddlers ape parents (and other caregivers) actions. Do the thing you want them to be. Another thing new parents do not always know (and hard to remember when the baby is screaming at 3AM and you have to go to work in the morning) is that infants are learning how to get around in the world. Exploring, testing, discovering are all a natural part of development. They are not bad, they simply make mistakes. "Beating the devil out of 'em" is oh so wrong.
Times change. Most parents learn to be parents from their parents and other relatives, now we have the Internet! My mom gave all here daughters and daughter-in-laws a copy of Dr. Spock's "Baby and Childrearing" which was almost like a bible among ladies my age. I slapped my kids hands, saying "no" when they went to touch a hotstove or gave them a smack on the butt as needed, simply because that was the way things were done. I do not believe we should hit children to make them behave, because that teaches them it is okay to hit other people if they do something we do not approve of.
Very good article, I wrote a similar one also a while back, spanking just is'nt the way to go when disciplining our children! Good job!