Spanking Vs. Child Abuse

If you're over 25 years old, I'd be willing to bet that you might have been spanked at least once as a child. And you probably deserved it. I am not a proponent of "abuse" in any way, shape or form. I'm actually quite sensitive about matters dealing with children. Something happened to me when my first nephew was born. I suddenly became very emotional about the well being of all children.

Which brings up another issue --- No, I do not have children of my own. I will soon have four nephews (2 are currently due in a couple of months - yes, twins). And I have two more nephews that I acquired via my relationship. That's six kids ranging in ages from 15 to newborn. I spend as much time as possible with each of them and yes, I have spanked my own nephews when they are in my care.

Although, I did stop spanking my oldest nephew when he was about 5 years old. He was angry and he hit me. I smacked him across the bottom two or three times and told him never to hit me again. He wouldn't talk to me for a little while afterward. I went to him, pouting on the couch with his head in his hands as if he were trying to understand. I said, "What's wrong?" He said, "I don't understand why you can hit me and I can't hit you." I had no response. This five-year old had a valid point. All I could say was "Well, I'll make a deal with you. I won't hit you and you don't hit me. Sound fair?" He agreed and I never spanked him again.

I share this story because I think it really depends on the child you are dealing with as to how to discipline them. My oldest nephew obviously was a kid that could be reasoned with. Time-outs would have been a much better choice for him because he actually thought about things and understood the punishment.

There are kids that need a stern hand in order to control them. They need that fear to keep them in line until they get old enough to understand their choices. This happens at different ages for different kids. My nephew is just an example of a kid who learned at a very young age.

I want to address the suggestions from the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) regarding spanking.

1. "Spanking teaches kids that it's OK to hit when they're angry."

Okay. I can agree with this one. But what do Nations do when they are angry at each other? They go to war. They not only hit, they kill each other's citizens in anger. Hardly anyone spanks his or her children anymore, at least not in public, for fear of retribution by some nosy neighbor that might deem this "spanking" as child abuse. There's a difference between the two. Most abused children die from head injuries and/or repeated beatings that often include bruising, bleeding and even breaking bones. This type of abuse also includes kicking the child in the stomach or head. A swat or two on the bottom is not even CLOSE to being abusive. Kids need spanked sometimes. They just do. I got spanked when I was growing up. I got spanked with a leather belt. I think I turned out alright. My Mom and my Dad both got spanked. My Dad had to go choose a branch from a tree and take it to his Dad to be spanked with it. Can you imagine? Choosing your own "switch" with which to be spanked?! And guess what, neither me, my sister, my Mom nor my Dad ever went to a Juvenile Detention Center. We all turned out pretty well. And yes, we were spanked. Not BEATEN. There's a difference.

2. "Spanking can physically harm children."

Playing on a playground can physically harm your child. A car accident could harm your child. Your child could run into the street chasing a ball and get hit by a car. Your pet could harm you child. Yeah, your very own pet. There have been numerous stories lately about household pets turning violent toward children and in some cases, killing the child. Are these pets guilty of child abuse? A million and one things could harm your child. It's your job as a parent to teach your child the difference between right and wrong and to try to raise them to be good, productive members of society. And also to protect them. If you swat them on the bottom a few times and make them cry, is that going to create some violent monster of a human being. No. Because along with physical discipline you do still need to TALK to your kids. Explain why they got spanked. If you were just spanking for the sake of doing it without helping the child to understand his wrongdoing, then I'd have to agree that falls under the "abuse" category.

3. "Rather than teaching kids how to change their behavior, spanking makes them fearful of their parents and merely teaches them to avoid getting caught."

And how is it different than putting your child in his or her room for an hour or putting him or her in timeout for 30 minutes in the corner while the rest of the family enjoys watching a movie or a television show? The child is still being "punished". I know I was the type of kid where if you sent me to my room, I would just read a book or listen to my radio and it wouldn't be any real "punishment" at all. And even if I weren't allowed to read or listen to music, I would have just taken a little nap. No big deal. And I would get in trouble again because I didn't get really punished the last time. Now, when I saw the belt coming, I knew I was in trouble. And if I did something to cause that belt to come out, you can sure bet that I never did whatever got me in trouble again. I understood what I did wrong. I understood that the punishment was not pleasant. I understood that I wouldn't do it again. The discipline worked. I had no bruises, no broken bones, no head trauma, and no blood.

4. "For kids seeking attention by acting out, spanking may inadvertently "reward" them - negative attention is better than no attention at all."

And here again, any punishment at all would be "reward" under this guideline, wouldn't it? So, do you just not discipline so that the child gets no attention? If you do that, you've got a whole new mess of problems.

I'm not trying to say go spank your kids for every thing they do wrong. I'm saying that society needs to accept some responsibility and the law should reflect that. If I am responsible for a child's well being and molding this child into a productive member of society and this child is not one I can talk to and reason with, I will spank the child to get my message across. I've got a life here that I'm responsible for and that's greater than my concern for legislation that says I'm not allowed to discipline my child as I see fit.

At the same time, daily "beating" of a child, yelling obscene names at the child or even names like "stupid" or "idiot" are not appropriate. I would be a proponent of legislation that fined parents that called their kids obscene or inappropriate names like "stupid", "idiot", "dummy", "faggot", etc.

I understand why the laws are in place. I understand that kids die each day at the hand of an abusive adult. I think that parents need to be given a little more credit and free reign to decide what's best for their own children. And parents need to step up and accept this responsibility. Letting legislators THINK for us is a bad habit and we need to break it and take back what little control we have over our lives and the lives of our children.