Spartacus: Blood and Sand on Starz is a Disappointment

The movie "300" is one that I am starting to curse. When I saw it, I was fairly impressed, I guess. There were some scenes that stretched things beyond credulity at times, but the overall effect worked and, as a standard action kind of movie, I thought it worked OK. I did not hope that it would create its own genre of film, however, which is what it seems to have done.

The latest example is a new TV series on the Starz cable network called "Spartacus: Blood and Sand." Yes, it is the story of Spartacus, again. And it is a story that has already been made into a classic movie starring Kirk Douglas and then turned into a mini-series. However, the new series is easily the weakest of the lot. In fact, the people who made "300" might want to call the people who have put together this TV series and see if they stole their sets, actors, special-effects software, etc.

The movie follows the "300" formula so closely that it is a sin. First, have lots and lots of backgrounds that are completely computer generated. Then, have the entire screen be dimmed in a strange muted color that is supposed to represent, I don't know, being old and Roman? Then have the battle scenes take place mostly in slow motion. Finally, have the blood spurt in ridiculous amounts and have the blood be obviously computer-generated as well. Perhaps this all saves money on the production as there are not sets to build and you don't have to stock up so much on fake blood.

As for the plot, well, does anyone who wants to watch this really care? Spartacus is a man conscripted into the Roman army. He has lots of sex with his wife, graphically portrayed in slow motion. He angers the Roman in charge of his particular legion. He ends up in colloseium and battles gladiators and succeeds. So,he becomes a successful gladiator.

This all happens in the first episode. There is more blood, all very, very fake, spurting all over the place. It all-but soaks the screen, oozes out of your television screen and down onto your floor. Then, because the TV show "Rome" from HBO has set the standard on this, there must be nude women every few seconds. Apparently the Romans did nothing but murder people, eat, have sex, and walk around naked or nearly naked.

The battle scenes are mildly amusing, but the constant slow-motion and the altering of the camera angle while the scene is in slo-mo, becomes very annoying. No one can just throw a sword or spear or stab an opponent without the camera slowing everything down so we can count every single droplet of blood.

The acting is beyond terrible. The line reading is so wooden that the entire case might as well be made of oak. The characters are unimpressive. Spartacus seems as bored as the audience.

All in all, this story has been done before and been done better. "300" should have been a one-time thing and not a new way to film every Roman epic that anyone wants to produce from now on. "Rome" managed to tell compelling stories, up the sex ante, and still have convincing sets, decent writing and believable characters. If only the people who have inflicted "Spartacus: Blood and Sand" had bothered to copy that show instead of "300" there might actually be a show here.