Special Needs? We All Have Them!

Autism is defined as a pervasive developmental disorder of children, characterized by impaired communication, excessive rigidity, and emotional detachment (www.dictionary.com). It is also classified as a handicap or disability. What people do not realize is that definition is a very general term that covers a wide spectrum of disorders. Savants are in the spectrum, and so is Tourette's syndrome (www.wikipedia.org). Most children who receive the diagnosis of autism share some common traits, such as: being very internal, incapable of imaginative play, avoiding eye contact, tendency to be overstimulated, picky about textures, routine needy, discomfort in social situations, and that is just a small part of the list (www.nln.nih.gov).However, each child is completely different from another. I know because I have two little boys who have been diagnosed with autism.

When I had my first child, I was twenty-one, and it never occurred to me to worry about something like autism. My daughter , Rhiannon, was born just as perfect and amazing as any child. She still has no disability or handicap, but I would like to include her information, since she is such a wonderful part of our lives. She is a smart, healthy and beautiful girl, and she has a loving and compassionate heart. There is not a single day that she does not make me smile or laugh. She makes me so proud to be her mother. Yes, I am a complete sap, but it is true, and she is my only little girl.

I had married her father when I was twenty, but we divorced four years later. It took one year, but I finally accomplished my financial goals, and I was planning to go back to college. I took a job that had more potential to make enough money, and I met my soul mate. Neither one of us was looking for love, but we were not silly enough to walk away from it. That was eight years ago. Mike is a wonderful, smart and amazing man. It is really funny because we told each other, and anyone who would listen, that we were not in love, and we weren't going to fall in love. Famous last words, eh?

Three years later, we welcomed a beautiful, healthy, little boy to our family. He was born exactly two weeks before his sister's birthday. I think she believed he was her present. We named him Aiden. He was developing normally, as far as we knew. Then, oops! Here came another little boy, seventeen months later. He was also healthy, and there seemed to be nothing wrong, other than Aiden was nocturnal, and Liam kept a more regular schedule. I am pretty sure that I only got a few hours of sleep per week until they were a little older and we got a routine established.

By the time Aiden was getting close to three years old, he was barely speaking. I was not worried. He had been speaking a little bit before we brought home his brother, and I thought it was a regression thing. I have heard that children will often regress when there is a big change like a new baby in the home. Also, my best friend's youngest child did not say a word until her was three, and when he did he had no problems.

However, the only thing I had ever noticed with regard to autistic children was a completely silent person who did not interact with anybody, or a child who only seemed to be able to make one repetitive noise. I was woefully ignorant. Thankfully, Mike's sister knew a person who had an autistic child, and some of the symptoms they discussed were prevalent in my son, Aiden. She then looked it up for herself and undertook the task of bringing it to our attention. I have to appreciate her. I would have been scared to tell somebody that their child might have a disability. My first reaction was something like, "There's nothing wrong with my son!" Yet, I really am grateful to her for making her suspicions that Aiden needed some help known. That took a lot of courage, although I looked it up and dismissed it.

When I went back to work, I found a reasonably priced daycare that had a decent reputation and was convenient to my new job. I enrolled both boys, but the teacher in Aiden's classroom only lasted three hours before they called wanting him to be picked up. This was when we were told about Stepping Stone Preschool in Alma, Arkansas. Luckily, we live very close. Mike took Aiden and had him evaluated, and they worked with us and our pediatrician's office to confirm his need for their services. This preschool was only for children with special needs, and autism is just one of them. They also evaluated our other son, Liam, and he was also enrolled there.

Through Stepping Stone, we were introduced to a wonderful group of medical professionals, from the preschool itself and from University of Arkansas-Medical Sciences, who specialize in children with disabilities. At different times, both of our boys were evaluated by them, and they did deliver the diagnoses of autism for both. It amazed me, since Aiden and Liam are polar opposites in personality and temperament. Aiden is a classic, high-functioning autistic child. He is amazingly brilliant, and his mind seems to devour information. He has the social, texture and speech difficulties, and he gets overstimulated so easily. Liam has speech and maturity delays, too, but he is very loving and like crowds. He's very sociable, although he does not always express things comfortably. These are just a few examples of the differences.

Mike and I work opposite shifts. I work at an adult education center during the day, and he works at a factory on a late shift. This works to help us cover as much time without a babysitter as possible. We cannot afford after-school care, and the preschool hours are 7:45 in the morning to 2:45 in the afternoon. My daughter rides her bus from school. We have to save our family "together-time" for the weekends. We divide the duties as evenly as we can. With the help of the amazing people at Stepping Stone and the fantastic crew at the Dennis Development Center in Little Rock, AR, we are getting the boys what they need. They even get their speech and occupational therapies from the preschool and subsequently the elementary school. Our town has a terrific program for special needs in the school system.

Aiden and Liam are both terrific kids. With their therapists and other professionals working with Mike, Rhiannon and me, we are seeing astounding progress. Mike and I are of the firm opinion that all three of our kids are the focus of our lives. My daughter's father and his girlfriend, Mike and I work together to make certain that she gets what she needs, as well. There are many times that I worry that her needs and desires are put aside because of her brothers, so I try to make certain that she is given a fair share of our time and attention. Fortunately, she is a generous and loving child, and she completely loves her brothers, even though I think she regrets that they have learned to speak a lot more.

Special needs are not necessarily hard to accommodate. Many people tell me that they have no idea how I deal with everything. I just tell them that I love my kids, so it may seem a little exhausting, but I used to wonder the same thing about parents of any children, to be honest.. That is, until I had my own. To me it is just a little more work, and every bit of progress and every milestone achieved is so much more precious because I know that it took a little or a lot more for the boys to accomplish it. The bottom line for me is that all children have different needs, and no particular need is more special than the other. Our combined families do not treat our boys as if they have a handicap or disability. I prefer the term delay. My sons will be able to achieve everything they need, but it may take a little more time for them to do so.

I am sincerely proud of my boys. When they sing to Rhiannon, Mike or me, we all join in, and the moment will get me a little teary. When they use appropriate words, instead of repeating something they hear, it is wonderful. When they finally started to call me Mama, it was one of the most precious moments in my life. With rewards like that, what more can I ask? I hope this information helps people to see what it is like in the life of a family that has children with special needs. We are just like any other family, but we have a bit more work that we have to do for and with our children. We have similar histories to many other families, too. More than anything, I would love to provide comfort for people when it comes to discovering a special need in your child. You are not alone, and it does not make your family abnormal. It simply makes your family as diverse as any other. Remember the saying, "There's one in every family." Well, it's true. The only difference is what kind of person that "one" may be.