Speed Dating

Hi, my name is Katherine and I'm currently a junior in college with a double major in Sociology and Women's Studies and a minor in Psychology. I am Vice President our Forensic Speech and Debate Team and a member of the student Democrats. My favorite food is Chinese, I drive a Volkswagen Jetta, and I enjoy dancing and listening to music.

Can you remember a word I just said? Would you be willing to engage in a three hour long excruciating date, and possible stalking afterwards, on who you think I am -based on those superficial facts? Believe me, what I just told you doesn't even get down to the nitty-gritty of who I am at all. Silly me. Did I forget to mention my slight vicodin addiction, which developed out of a necessity to balance my own bi-polar disorder with that of my three year old son's ADHD. However, thousands of people turn out for speed dating events every year and wind up on dates with people like me because they didn't take the time to get to know their date.

These events typically 10 to 20 singles meet, spending an average of 6 minutes together, learning little more than what I just told you about myself. In fact, it has been described by one journalist for the BBC as "the death of romance" and "just another evolutionary step in human courtship." So, today, we're going to learn about speed dating, the revolutionary new way to meet your mate.

Now not all speed-dating agencies are the same when it comes to running the event, but the general process of speed-dating is as follows. The first step in the grueling process of speed dating is registration. You can do this by credit card over the phone between 9am-5pm. Just imagine. You tell your boss..."I'll be right there, I have to make an important phone call, just start the meeting without me." You dial the phone number and whisper "I'd like to register for the speed-dating event this Friday." The receptionist says, "Honey I don't know what you're sayin'. You're gonna need to speak up." So you crouch down in your cubicle you say again, "I'd like to register for the speed-dating event." "I'm sorry honey, speak up or hang up".

You finally scream, "I wanna register for the damn speed-dating event." Even though you were cowering under your desk everyone knows which cubicle that embarrassing statement came from. By the end of the day, you've received 12 invitations in the form of interoffice email and little post-it notes, all offering to set you up on blind dates with the son of their mother's hairdresser's best friend who is a "really nice guy with a great personality" which all women know is code for pimple faced, trekkie, geek, with no money. Confessing you are going to a speed-dating event is even worse for men. One founder of SpeedDater says, "For a man it's like admitting you need Viagra." But maybe these men do need Viagra; maybe that's how they lost their last girlfriend...who are we to judge?.

Now, the call has been made.....what do I wear? Well, Quick Encounters Speed Dating agency says that most people wear what they would to work. They also suggest something comfortable but then go on to say, "Wear what you would wear on a date." I don't know about you but when I'm going on a date, the furthest thing from my mind is "comfort". Strapping on control top panty hose, struggling to stand on a pair of 3 ½ inch stilettos, risking permanent eye damage while applying $20 eyeliner, and accidentally getting hairspray in your mouth is just not my idea of "comfortable".

The next step is to actually show up, which is half the battle. According to Joshua Kurlantzick, writer for US News and World Report, some speed-dating hopefuls actually drove over 90 minutes under the threat of tornados to attend. Just how desperate are these mate seeking singles? In addition to the embarrassing registration process and the tornado warnings, when you arrive overly enthusiastic, annoying, "Oh...hello handsome" ushers wait to greet you in bright t-shirts with speed-dating logos. "Hi. How are you today? Let's get you a name tag you fabulous single girl. It says you're 30 here, so if you could just go off into that dark corner over there with the rest of the advanced age group, that'd be great. Ok now, go make a love connection." They give the participant a card on which you rate your "date", if you can call them that, and then you are sent out into the great unknown.

This is when you actually get to meet someone of the opposite sex. Each 3 to 6 minute conversation is timed and interrupted by a (ding) bell that sounds a lot like your biological clock going off. Sure there are some good ones. Jerry. A blonde haired, blue eyed, mold of The David who's a lawyer. Or Mike, who not only has perfect teeth and smooth, tan skin, but he's also happens to be a doctor. However, are these the types of people you really would like to meet? SpeedDater, a dating agency specializing in speed-dating, claims the people at their events are "Professionals who want to meet more people."

But if they actually have enough time to invest in a relationship, why don't these professionals have enough time to go out and meet people on their own? Seriously, if all you can devote to a conversation with one person is 6 minutes, what kind of lover could that person possibly be? Think about it, "I'm a lawyer," might translate to, "I'm emotionally unattached and stuck in Freud's Oedipus complex." And doctor might actually mean "I only work in a hospital for the free drugs."

Let's say you get lucky and you meet a really great person. According to the rules you both need to go home that night and select each other for another date. This process guards against the potential for stalking, according to Kurlantzick. Apparently in the old days, if you dated someone once and lost interest you might wake up in the middle of the night with a stranger in your bed, cutting off a lock of your hair and stealing your underwear. Thank god for speed-dating. Now I'll never be able to finish my nail clipping collection!

Let's get back to the mutual selection process. Now this could go two different ways. You choose them, they choose you. Ahhh...It's a match made in heaven and before you know it Mr. Wonderful runs off with you into the sunset where you have 2.5 children and a white picket fence. However, the other way this could unfold is slightly reminiscent to a high school popularity contest for class secretary that you lost to blonde haired, double D cup, cheerleader Heather Wilson. You quickly rush home, go online, and choose that special someone as your only interest; disregarding all other decent individuals you met because, well they just weren't as wonderful and you are convinced that this person is the one.

Only, the next day you receive an email from the dating agency that says, you have no mutual matches. How could this happen? You were so sure it was love at first sight that you had already spent the whole night picking out the floral arrangements and cake for the spring wedding. So you crawl into bed with half-gallon of chunky monkey and watch soap operas and the Lifetime channel till you swear the story about the woman who died alone and childless is actually a story some ex-boyfriend wrote about you after a bad breakup. When life gives you lemons....umm ...if at first you don't succeed...whatever.

Another online dating agency, Pre-dating, claims that most people never come to another event because they usually meet someone they like the first time, but by all means you are allowed to attend as many events as you'd like. It's your buck. Actually, it's your $30-40 for every event. Included in this $30-40 is usually free access to the agency's website on which you can email potential dates, get flirting tips, and better yet, read success stories of people who have been to less of these things than you have. "I went to only one of your events and the guy I met there turned out to be my true soulmate! Anthony and I got engaged this past Valentine's Day and are planning a June wedding."

Another enthusiastic woman testifies, "I knew I would check the "yes" box. I received an email from him only 2 days later. We began dating and absolutely fell in love with each other. It's a dream come true! We have now officially set the day of our marriage!" These sites post testimonials as though they affect your decision to go to another event. But the truth is that if you are on their website for a long enough period of time to read these testimonials, despite being a "busy professional", then you're probably still single and you would like to throw wedding cake right in the face of one of these happy couples.

Yes, some people do meet and fall in love at speed-dating events. Yes, people do find their marriage partner. But there are 85 million single people out there and these people can't meet one person they like? If you ask me this current trend towards speed-dating has less to do with not being able to find someone and more to do being confused. Matchmaker.com, a lesser known dating site, adds over 150,000 new members a month and was just bought out for $44 million dollar by Lycos. That should give you an idea of how much money these companies are making off of us poor, desperate, singles. But people will continue to use these services as long as the leading cause of depression is being single.