Spending Christmas Time with a Loved One Who has Alzheimer's Disease

I myself don't have anyone in my family with Alzheimer's disease, but I did rent a room from a lady who cared for an Alzheimer's patient in the same home. Mary was a very nice lady, but as young as I was, I didn't know much about the disease. The landlady didn't know much about it, either. Nobody really did, 22 years ago. I remember very clearly when Mary would come out of her room around 3:00 AM to 'start breakfast' for her husband, and how the landlady would grumpily get up out of her bed to walk Mary back up the stairs to her room. Patients with Alzheimer's tend to do things that they remember, so it might be a good idea for you to talk to your relative's caregiver and find out their habits and triggers before the Christmas season is fully here in order to give you additional time to prepare for your relative's visit. If these tips seem like they would work for you, and you try them, please let me know. They are also dependent on how progressed the disease is in your relative.

1. Ask other family members who would know about traditions that your relative had when younger, before the disease struck him or her. Incorporate these, as closely as you can, into your time with your relative. If your relative says that isn't right or how it is done, let them take the lead and 'fix' things, as long as there isn't any danger in doing so.

2. Along the same lines, get out the older photos and albums and let the conversation flow. Christmas, and other holidays at this time, are all about family being together, even if the times being thought of are different from one person to the next.

3. Be prepared for the inevitable question about when a relative who has already passed away is going to show up. Depending on your Alzheimer's patient's personality, the answer could range form gentle truthfulness to outright fibbing about that person not being able to attend due to being snowed in, being recruited by Santa, or whatever else is appropriate. Sometimes humor works well to soften the disappointment felt when someone greatly missed can't be produced.

4. Get the children involved, as well. The younger ones, up to about age 3, where they aren't asking those 'embarrassing' questions yet, and the tweens and older, would probably be best. The older ones can understand an explanation regarding why Grandma keeps asking for Aunt Lucy, even though Aunt Lucy died in 1963. Children ages four through about nine might not understand or remember your explanation, and may even become impatient with your relative for expressing Alzheimer's symptoms. Children ages four through nine can learn that the behavior of an Alzheimer's patient isn't 'bad', and that questions could set a patient in the wrong frame of mind, so to speak, so I'm not saying exclude children those ages, but ensure, as best you can, that they are prepared thoroughly.

5. Sing carols together and if your relative did have, or still has, any inkling to play the piano, and you have one, let him or her play. It doesn't have to be perfect to be fun.

6. Enjoy time with your relative, and remember that he or she most likely won't remember the visit much, if at all. Don't stress out about things, but instead, relax, and have fun.

7. Take pictures, and lots of them.

8. Keep your relative occupied, but not overly so. Finding a balance between the two will help keep them wanting to help cook, set the table, start laundry,

These tips should help you have a wonderful time with your relative, even when it isn't Christmas time.