Spider-Man: An Analysis

So I watched the originial Spider-Man movie last night, and it reminded me of some thoughts I've been having lately. Namely, that the three Spider-Man movies all have some very noticeable things in common. The details change, but the basic plot points remain the same. Observe.

1)Peter cries

Now, far be it from me to criticize a guy from engaging in a good weep on occasion. And granted, the circumstances of Peter's life are rather traumatic, (Uncle Ben dies, Peter tells Aunt Mae about Uncle Ben dying, Harry dies, Mary-Jane rejects Peter, etc. etc. etc.) Still and all, you don't see Batman crying in every single film, do you? Come to think of it, has Batman ever cried? Ever? Wow, he has issues. But back to my point.

2)A science experiment goes terribly, terribly wrong.

The Green Goblin was created when Norman Osborn messed up his experiment with performance-enhancers. Doc Ock tried to create fusion using robotic arms, and Sandman was created because a bunch of scientists thought a six-foot-tall fairly hefty human being was a bird (memo to scientists: check!). To quote the guys at The Editing Room, "every time science experiments go poorly, it always makes a new enemy for Tobey Maguire. You'd think the guy would be bombing research facilities out of desperation". Ditto, ditto. What does Sam Raimi have against science, I ask you? I'm not a scientist myself, but all the same, I'm almost terrified to take a lab class ever again; I might accidentally create Wooden Block Man or something. Yipes.

3)Peter makes an idiot out of himself in pursuit of Mary-Jane

From tripping in front of her on the bus in the first movie, to that disastrous candlelight dinner in the third, Peter is absolutely hopeless in his relationships. (That third one was the worst though; it was literally painful to watch. Ow). Even when he's not turned to the Dark Side and doing his jazz thing, Peter has a knack for looking like a kicked puppy whenever he tries to get anywhere with good ol' MJ. And speaking of which....

4)Women dangle.

Mary-Jane, Gwen, even dear old Aunt Mae always find themselves in the same distressing predicament, movie after movie. They all end up dangling from some high precipice, about to plunge to their death, desperately hoping Spider-Man will save them (which he does, usually). It's like the Eleventh Commandment: if thou art a woman in a Spider-Man movie, thou shalt dangle. You'd think one of them would buy a parachute.

And finally....

5)Peter's mask gets torn

Actually, this might be a good thing, because it adds realism. I mean, you never, ever, ever see Batman or Super-Man's costumes getting damaged, except maybe once in a great while. Peter rips his all the time. Adds humanity, or something. Incidentally, how do you suppose Peter gets his costumes sewed up? Does he do it himself or get someone else? And how does he explain it?