Spiraling Conversation

I have been caught in many out of control conversations. The person doing most of the talking will start on a subject and just go on and on until before you know it, you don't know how they got to the current subject. I have tried to understand this personality trait and I believe it stems from control issues. A person that so forcibly controls a conversation must be struggling constantly to stay in control. Not control of their focus and one might expect or rather hope, but control of any and every situation. I have found that most controlling conversationalists are very much not in control of their lives, and by maintaining control of a conversation they get a sense of importance.

Just the other day I was stopped by a man sitting in a truck as I was walking into the doctor's office for my annual physical. He initially stopped me because of my tattoos; his reason was because he wanted to get some tattoo work done and needed a good artist. Normally when someone asks me for a reference, I have no problem giving them a name and maybe even a phone number to a good artist. This encounter however, never left me with a chance, not to mention I was becoming closer and closer to being late for my appointment, even though I was standing twenty feet from the door.

I consider myself a pretty kind person, not the most social man around but appeasing at best. I reluctantly walked over to the man in the truck as he asked me where I got my tattoo work done. I stated that I worked with several artists in the area and offered to give him a couple of names. Without missing a beat however, he dove off the deep end into a story about what kind of tattoo he wanted, where he wanted it, how big he wanted it and of course, the story behind it. I am patient, very patient for the most part, but one thing I can not stand is a person who talks just to try and make themselves look better than everyone else, bragging in other words.

Before I knew it, this man was telling me the story of how he was a Vietnam Veteran and he was disabled, now I enjoy a good history lesson just as much as the next person, but I hate when honest and meaningful stories lead into how much better than everyone else the person is. He proceeded to tell me that he just had a book published, insert shameless plug here, and that he was paid five million dollars for his book about his experiences in the war. I am not in the publishing business and I do not pretend to know anything about the business but that amount seemed wildly exaggerated to me. Of course, according to the "author" he also just signed a movie deal from the book that had not even been published yet. I am not here to pass judgment but in my opinion this seems highly unlikely. So now I am talking to a disable veteran millionaire who wants me to help him find a tattoo artist, all the while the clock is ticking for me.

I tried several times to tell him that I was running late for an appointment, but for at least the first five tries this did not register. The conversation continued and within about five minutes I was being invited over to his $2.5 million dollar house to smoke marijuana with him and Dusty Hill from ZZ Top, yes his best friend apparently is Dusty Hill. I love a good story, I really do, but I hate to be caught in a self promoting sales pitch disguised as friendly banter.

As I stood there, listening, I took notice of clothes, vehicle, which he was not driving but rather in the passenger seat of, mannerisms and everything, and as a communications professional I notice a few key tells. He was very enthusiastic about the conversation and the release of his book, but I have found in my experience that any person, or most at least, who feels they have to validate themselves by telling strangers how much money they are worth or how important they are, usually are none of the above. I believe that a basic human flaw is the need to feel important, and validating a false sense of importance by telling everyone you see is an effective way of continuously confirmation.

I never like to be rude, that is for sure, so I offered to give him a call; I took down his number and politely excused myself from the conversation. All the while, praying that he was not still there when I left the doctor's office. He wasn't, luckily and I escaped another uncomfortable situation with no conflict or harm done. In the end, it actually feels good knowing that in some small way I may have made this man feel better about him self. For now, I will just keep an eye out for his new book.