Spoiling an Infant - It's Possible!
I suppose the experts are right when it comes to needs. If the child is crying because it needs its diaper change, change it right away. If it is crying because it is hungry, don't just let it cry, feed it. If you feel that it needs some love and affection, by all means, pick your baby up and show it some love. However, I don't really think that spoiling can come from satisfying basic needs.
When 'spoiling,' comes to mind, I think of things that kids want, don't need, but always end up getting it anyway. It's a little thing called manipulation. Experts say that this is the reason you can't spoil an infant. They are not able to manipulate with negative behavior. I agree with this, but I think it is possible for infants to "manipulate" in other ways.
For example, there is a routine with my child. I change the diaper, hold her while feeding her (sometimes holding her for awhile before feeding her) and then putting her down to sleep. Then, my mother started feeding her about as often as I did. At first, I didn't mind. I read that you can't spoil your baby, especially not with love and affection. I would change my daughter's diaper and then pass her off to grandma to eat. She would be done with her bottle, and grandma would just hold her and rock her for an hour or more. I figured nothing could be wrong with this. Boy was I wrong.
Now, any time I feed my baby and put her down shortly afterwards, she cries. She doesn't need her diaper changed, she doesn't need food, she doesn't need anything, except maybe some sleep. As soon as I pick her up, she calms down. She'll drift back to sleep and I'll put her down after awhile. She'll sleep some, then cry again. I repeat by picking her up again and she calms right down.
Because of grandma, she is now used to being held all the time after eating. This is how you spoil an infant. I am not going to hold her for hours on end after she eats so she doesn't cry. No, instead I let her cry until she goes to sleep, unless I think something is wrong. She got used to being held, and now she's going to get used to not being held after having her bottle. Since she doesn't need anything, I don't feel bad about it. She has wants, just like every other human. We spoil by caving into those wants. Does she know that she is "manipulating" me into holding her? No. She just likes the comfort of being held when she sleeps, which is spoiling her into wanting to be held every single time she sleeps. Don't always listen to what the experts say, it is definitely possible to spoil an infant.
Published by Bambi
I'm a girl of many things and interests. View profile
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17 Comments
Post a CommentCause and effect isn't implemented in a baby's brain until 9 months to 1 year. You cannot spoil an infant for this reason.
I'm not sure if the article is spot on, but I think there is something to it. A baby cannot manipulate you. However, once a baby become accustomed to any particular habit, breaking that habit can and will upset your baby. If the habit is being held 18 hours a day, there is a practicality issue. This isn't the baby as much as you as a parent reinforcing a bad habit.
First, you act as thought babies are mechanical robots with only the most utilitarian needs, and then you criticise and blame your mother (which only a spoiled woman would do). Maybe you need to focus less on your own agenda and more on the emotional needs of your child. The irony is, if your kid becomes cold, shy and withdrawn you'll probably congratulate yourself for making him so self-sufficient.
I totally agree with the the article. My daughter is not spoiled and extremely happy. It's not necessarily manipulation in the beginning, it's what you implement from the beginning as what is appropriate for you in your life style. And that's what makes for a spoiled baby, they cry until they get what they want. They know that there is a response with crying. There are some definite differences in opinions about this subject. My daughter was held constantly when she was born, (she was born around the holidays and family just loved and loved on her) and she relished in it. It was hard to break her of her favorite thing of being held ALL the time, but I did it. (I personally don't think it's healthy to hold your baby all the time because then it could cut into important developmental steps they need to take... like rolling over, or learning to sit on her own.) I held her for shorter and shorter amounts of time, and constantly put her down when she fell asleep, and I was successful. No on
Kristine Doherty, YOUR POST IS PERFECT!
Spoild? Your children are not born with the motive to manipulate you.
I AGREE WITH HEATHER B.!!!!! and GABI!!!!
But go ahead, punish your baby, weird.
I have 4 children 2girls 8, and 6 2boys 2 and 8months. . . Get over yourself, your job is to nurture and love. . .
Yeah, Doctors and your children...LOL their all out to get you, manipulating you to be a loving mom, THEY SHOULD BE STOPPED... OMG. . . NO WONDER THERE IS SO MANY HEARTLESS PEOPLE IN THE WORLD. E.Harmon, your right and i fell for it. I just cant believe the things people say, about their own flesh and blood. . .There is a line between spoiling and teaching and breaking bad habits. . DO IT WITH LOVE it is a BABY we are talking about.
Your child is not spoiled, she is used to the stimmulus of being held. She is no where near manipulating, it is what you guys got her used to, and what you let happen. She is simply used to the feeling of being held, and the action, therefore if she is receiving it everyday dont you think she's used to it and wants it? Now it's just a habbit that you are breaking.
I strongly agree with this article. I think that baby CAN definitely be spoiled. A simple fact is: otherwise, nobody, no any doctor which represents professinal/expert will mention CIO method. If you cannot tell what baby's need or what her want is, how could you use Cry-it-out to leave her alone? If you've ever used Cry-it-out method before, don't say that you disagree since you cannot explain why you ignore her crying alone in crib.
I agree with you Bambi, I had the same experience when my son was born. Expect he was held all the time...even when the person was cleaning! So when I would take him home away from this visit, he wanted nothing but to be held and he cried only to be held. It took away from his tummy time and alone time when he needs to be observant and just be an infant...
It wasn't. I just don't believe everything the doctor's say.