SpongeBob Faulted for Being Gay, Impairing Children's Thinking Skills

SpongeBob Squarepants is getting a lot of negative PR, lately. SpongeBob joins "Teletubbies" and Bert and Ernie of Sesame Street on the gay-bashing bandwagon. He's also said to have a global warming agenda. Now Pediatrics says kids who watch SpongeBob can't pay attention.

James Dobson, host of Focus on the Family, came out against SpongeBob in 2005, saying SpongeBob and his friend Patrick Starfish were "paired with arguably erotic intensity." Dobson might just as well say that Veggie Tales' Bob the Tomato and Larry the Cucumber are gay because they are friends.

Creator Stephen Hillenburg says SpongeBob is asexual. He is, after all, a sponge: not exactly erotic. If fundamentalist groups can get a pro-gay agenda from SpongeBob, they're reading things into it. Like the gay Bert and Ernie debate and Pat Robertson's gay Tinkie-Winkie and Teletubbies accusations, why the Freudian fascination with children's cartoons? Kids don't view cartoons sexually.

The Pediatrics study isn't addressing sexuality in SpongeBob; Their concern is that fast-paced cartoons diminish childrens' "executive function." After watching SpongeBob, children had more difficulty paying attention, problem-solving and making decisions that kids who watch Caillou, an educational (albeit tedious) PBS cartoon. Caillou is so stultifying that building blocks probably seemed preferable to watching.

Then there's the issue of age group. Caillou is written preschoolers, the age of the kids tested. SpongeBob appeals to older kids, aged 6-11. Poor high-spirited SpongeBob doesn't stand a chance against snail's-paced Caillou.

SpongeBob is not the only high-paced juvenile cartoon. It's probably also not the only one that may cause executive function issues in children. Even the redoubtable, Sesame Street has been faulted for reducing attention spans. Critics blame its bite-sized clips that flit from between subjects. They say it creates a "snacking" atmosphere as opposed to genuine sustained learning environment.

Critics have grabbed the wrong end of the stick, however. SpongeBob doesn't make kids inattentive anymore than McDonald's made people fat. People get fat by eating too much of the wrong foods. Adults cripple childrens' attention spans by letting them watch too much unmonitored television.

What can parents learn from the Pediatrics study? Use common sense. Don't let younger kids spend lots of time watching cartoons designed for older kids. Encourage age-appropriate viewing. Don't let kids watch television for long periods of time unattended. Talk with your kids. Interact with them. Play with them. Don't use the television as a plug-in babysitter.