SpongeBob NRA Partnership Ends in Tragic Shooting
"It Went in One Pore but Not Out the Other"-Eyewitness
"SpongBob Can't Save Our Children" was to be the ad slogan. "The point of SpongeBob, as well intentioned as he is, being impotent to save a child is what we were after," said NRA marketing director, Adolf Eichmann, no relation to the Nazi. "And what better way to bring that point home than to put him in an urban environment and shoot him. I thought we'd get the usual cartoon Xs for eyes, not blood. We were just waiting for him to get up and crack a joke, like: 'Oh, that really smartees', but he never did."
The notion of the late sponge being a pitch sponge for such a right wing organization was not without controversy from the beginning. From a phone interview at his Bel Air manse, Patrick T. Starfish uttered a terse: "He got what he deserved." Starfish refused to answer the question that he had lost out as pitch fish to SquarePants.
SpongeBob SquarePants' Hollywood uber agent Saul Bellow, no relation to the deceased Nobel Prize winning author, defends his late client's position. "We wanted to give Bob more of a macho image, to squash the gay rumors that had been swirling around. Tinky Winky can pull that off. He carries a purse and there's that whole British thing."
Bellow absolutely denied rumors that the shooting was due to drug use on the set, which gave rise to a fatal game of Russian roulette. Bellow bellowed: "This is SpongeBob SquarePants we're talking about not Jon-Erik Hexum."
The NRA is trying to put a positive spin on the unfortunate event. Eichmann maintains: "Well, we now know for sure that a) SpongeBob can't protect children from, at least, small caliber, automatic weapons fire and b) cartoon characters can die."
Funeral services for SqaurePants will be held next Thursday at Temple Rudolph Shalom in New York City.
Published by Ed Druckman
Ed E. Druckman is a humorist for the web. He gives his views on current events in both text and video. You can find out more about him by visiting his MySpace profile. View profile
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2 Comments
Post a CommentI real real like spongebob I never miss the show
You didn't submit this to news did ya? :-)