Sports Briefs: Mad as a March Hare

Brad: In like a lamb, out like a lion--in like a lion, out like a lamb. Such is the old axiom that guides the weather patterns in March. And boy howdy has this March turned out to come in like a rip roarin' lion!

Chris: Yes, eating Cadbury eggs and blue Marshmallow Peeps shaped like bunnies cause many a gastric problem among revelers. Or were you referring to March Madness?

Ralphie: Peanut butter filled bunnies and Winterfresh gum . . . Do they puree your candy at the senior center for you, Joe?

Joe: What's with all the candy talk on this forum? Are you young turks mocking me because you still have all your teeth and I don't? Candy does nothing for me. But, back in the day, give me a good licorice whip from The General Store and stand back. I think they cost a penny. Or, a wooden nickel. I can't remember which . . .

Brad: Oh . . . did I mention? My family is Jewish, we don't celebrate Easter. And Passover--well, I'm trying out a new diet, so gefilte fish is out--nothing but collard and kale soup for me!

Chris: That entrée would have been a wise choice after eating two full bags of gummy bears, which is what I did while watching first-round NCAA games many moons ago.

Joe: After the abrupt ending to my basketball playing days, I shied away from the sport for awhile. Then, I recaptured my love for the game in the early 1980s. In fact, I was so swept up by the "Madness" that I went to New Orleans for the 1993 Final Four. Only one problem: I didn't have tickets. So, I snuck in. I was busted immediately. With the cops and security goons on my tail, I took off down the concourse, then deep into the bowels of The Superdome. As I ducked around a corner, I ran right into some yahoo in my way. I knocked him out cold. Oh-oh. He was one of the officials. Fortunately, I'd seen enough madcap comedies in my day to know what needed to be done. I swapped clothes with him and walked onto the court. I called a great game. And, I loved giving Webber that "T" for calling a non-existent timeout. I laughed and laughed outside the Michigan huddle after that one. Kids are stupid.

Brad: Now this column is all about predictions, so I feel it fitting to make a prediction about our fair column. After Joe gets back from Country Kitchen Buffet, he'll give a long-winded story that has nothing to do with our topic and relays lost memories. When Ralphie gets out of his high chair, he'll probably pick North Carolina because they're the No. 1 seed.

Ralphie: Me n my stepdad like North Carolina. Tyler Hansbrough is the best.

Chris: You need to be a weather man, Brad.

Brad: I challenge you, Chris, one on one, my bracket versus your bracket--winner gets the other's share of this month's cut. Pick your bracket from the Final Four, and whoever gets the most right from the Final Four on wins. Deal?

Joe: Dean Smith is rolling over in his grave. Well, he will be soon.

Chris: Five years ago I watched the much-ballyhooed Texas Longhorns team (led by T.J. Ford and Matthew McConaughey) reach the Final Four. Since my dad gained his degree from there, I'm obliged to pick them this year.

Brad: The NCAA is a big passion for me, as y'all know--I love college sports, and I typically have good picks when it comes to them. Back when I was a junior in high school, I took Pre-Calculus Advanced with a sports-friend teacher named Mr. Galayda. Before a test he would often give us a sports-themed bonus.

Ralphie: Boring!

Joe: Go watch the NIT, kid. Or, SpongeBob.

Brad: Around this time two years ago, we had to fill out the bracket for the final eight. I chose UCLA to go through all the way to the top spot. Naturally, nobody suspected me to get any of the bonus points because I didn't choose OSU to go all the way. So, round one comes in--UCLA is still in--and surprise, surprise, OSU is O-U-T, out! Now, I am a HUGE Buck fan, but I ain't stupid when it comes to making bets on the NCAA bracket. So I got one bonus point, and became the envy of the class. Then comes the second round, and we find UCLA made it all the way to the final game! I get another bonus point, and I can see the daggers come out of their eyes. So when it comes to picking the NCAA bracket, like I said, I don't mess around. I pick North Carolina, Tennessee, Notre Dame, and Oklahoma to make it to the Final Four. I pick Notre Dame over North Carolina and Tennessee over Oklahoma--Tennessee to win it all. But watch out for Butler and Winthrop, there may be surprises coming!

Chris: Baylor getting into the tournament for the first time in 20 years has already surprised the entire village of Waco. There has been near rioting at the local Wal-Mart.

Joe: I'm tempted to throw Mount St. Mary's into the mix, but they have to play that extra game. Plus, I'm leery about No. 16 seeds. I'm not going to simply throw my money away by picking a small, no-name team from Podunkville that has no real shot at the title. That would be foolish. Oh, I'll add Cornell into the mix. Supposedly, they have a 6'3" center who is dominant on the block.

Ralphie: Do I have to keep reminding you guys that I'm 9?

Joe: I gotta go with Belmont. Or, UMBC (is that a military unit?). Or, Portland State. Or, American University (is that an online university?).

Chris: I have American University losing to the University of Phoenix.