Sports Briefs: The Plush Life of Major League Mascots

One would think if I admitted to owning a man, a bull, a goat, a horse, a dog and a cat that I either ran a farm or was preparing to challenge the Old Lady Who Swallowed A Fly.

Rather, I'm just the only known collector of Major League Soccer mascots on the planet, essentially alienating anyone from reading any further.

Having been a collector of sports mascots from an age before it was looked upon as being immature, I naturally wanted to secure as many MLS mascots as possible when the league was founded in 1996.

After reading the team names, I was soon introduced to the fact that it was quite cumbersome for MLS marketers to come up with a plush toy of a Clash or a Mutiny, thus making my plight one that should garner compassion and free gifts.

Realizing that mascots help make money, teams soon came up with suitable mascots to make beanies out of, including a cat (Columbus Crew), a dog (Metrostars and Chicago Fire), a horse (Dallas Burn) a goat (Chivas USA), a bull (FC Dallas) and a Beckham (Los Angeles).

As soon as I noticed a beanie horse wearing a soccer jersey for sale at a Dallas Burn game in 2003, I exchanged my yen for said item.

Other teams' mascots have been much harder to come by, sending me on a quest for toys that only Tickle Me Elmo scavengers could fully appreciate.

It seems MLS teams do not make mascot toys at a rate those in the NFL do.

In fact, of the three major sports in this country, the Heat, Magic, Jazz, Red Sox and White Sox are the only teams that have mascot names that don't end in an "S." Conversely, there are no MLS teams with mascots that end in an "S," except the Rapids, Red Bulls and Wizards, and Kansas City has yet to make a plush of the Great and Powerful Oz.

(The previous paragraph was an anecdote, so feel free to use it with friends.)

But from the News That Could Only Excite Me department, I recently uncovered, through extensive research that involved a Google search, that Ty and MLS recently reached an agreement to make merchandise together. It can officially be called scuttlebutt.

This can only mean that there will soon be Ty beanie babies wearing MLS uniforms. Not that I'm overly excited about a bear representing every team, but it sure beats a plush Dynamo.