Sports Briefs: Spring Broke

Chris: In the spring a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of glove.

Ralphie: Is that the best you got?

Brad: Springtime in general puts me into a good mood. Of course, it is kind of hard to think about spring when your driveway is buried under two feet of snow (no exaggeration), but it does put me into a poetic mood. Poetry is all about the senses, and springtime is all about life and winter is lifelessness. Life floods the senses, and thus leads most people to be more poetic.

Joe: Listen to Nancy: Stay off the drugs, kid.

Chris: Personally, it's a little too early to think about spring and baseball. Once we come upon a fortnight of 100 degree temperatures and it's only mid-May, then I'll start taking notice about how far back in the standings my favorite team is. A good indicator of springtime is when my sweat-soaked pants start sticking to my seat.

Joe: I live in Minnesota. It snows here a lot. My kids are lazy and ungrateful. (A lot like some of my fellow writers at this site.) So, I end up in traction after the 40th or 50th time I have to plow and shovel my driveway by myself. The big spring meltdown saves my life every year. Thanks for nothing, kids.

Brad: Baseball means an end to the wintry weather--springtime is here, and the energy is flowing. It is time for homeruns and ground balls, Cracker Jack and frankfurters. And most importantly it is time for the Cleveland Indians to make it to the World Series.

Ralphie: Uh what?

Joe: There's nothing quite like the smell of the ballpark. Whether it's stale hot dogs, popcorn, pseudo-burgers or spilled beer left over from the last homestand, the wafting odor in the concourse is unmistakable. The prospect of being the 2,349 guy to use the restroom that day is always a jolt to the senses. And, the heavyset season ticket holder seated next to me after his second helping of nachos adds his own unique bouquet of odors as the game wears on.

Chris: Here, here! After my first time experiencing said situation firsthand, and smelling such an aroma, I would not eat bread for a month, confusing the rotten yeast smell for sandwich bread.

Brad: Another ten bucks on the Indians to take the entire season hands down. After their stunning march through the playoffs last year, they are going all the way this year. It was practice last year, CC and Sizemore were just getting their playoff legs when they took on Boston and nearly knocked the Red Sox right out.

Joe: The best part is that it in my hometown, it all takes place in a dome. Fresh air is overrated anyway. Just recycle the same air and blow it from one section to the next. That way, all baseball fans can experience the same aromatic wonders that accompany baseball in the spring. Yummy.

Chris: At least both of your teams have made the playoffs in recent years. The Rangers are still recovering from The Alex Rodriguez Experiment. Though his term in Texas was fodder for me to inquire of a local hockey store back in 2000 if they sold any A-Rod jerseys, after hearing that the Stars just signed some "A-Rod fellow, eh?" Let's move on.

Ralphie: Going to the Sea Wolves games and hot dogs. Going outside, riding bikes, no more boots and gloves and snow pants.

Chris: Did you just cut me off?

Joe: I just have a hunch. I predict that a few teams will throw copious amounts of cash around to add new players while two-thirds of the league claws and scrapes together a team (or has a fire sale) for about a quarter of the payroll. I also predict that Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens will be discussed by television's talking heads way too much. My last prediction . . . Nick Punto won't hit many home runs for the hometown club. He'll just be happy to hit above the Mendoza line.

Ralphie: Can you stay awake for a whole game at your age?

Brad: That being said, I also expect a good performance from Boston and a typical season for the Yankees (typical to them is a trip to the playoffs.) As for last year's runner ups--the Colorado Rockies--I will expect a less than stellar performance from them. In my opinion last year was a fluke for them. Besides, the less competitive National League isn't going to pose much threat as a whole to my Indians. Watch out for their bullpen guys!

Chris: Reality television celebrity Jose Canseco is also scheduled to release his second novel. This one has a slightly better chance of winning the Pulitzer Prize than his first book.

Ralphie: Brad, does it bother you that your girlfriend likes Jose Canseco?

Joe: I predict the New York Yankees and Boston Red Sox will appear on ESPN's "SportsCenter" at some point during this season. Maybe an analyst will talk about them on-air. Or, maybe even one of their games will be shown in its entirety. I know that's probably crazy-speak . . .