Sports Briefs: (What's the Story) Mourning Glory?

Brad: Lookout, Ralphie, it's coming! A wind mightier than the Big Bad Wolf. Beware, Hurricane Joe's going to blow your house down with one of his stories of yesteryear again!

Ralphie: Do you remember the dreams you had back when you were a kid?

Joe: George Mikan ruined my life.

Chris: It was his goggles, right? You just never felt wholesome rooting for a player who wore goggles.

Joe: Mikan was a lousy basketball player. So, the DePaul University coach gave me a scholarship to replace the big, gangly lug. Two days before our first game, Coach yells at Mikan as I drive by him for another scoop shot. Mikan, being the cheap, vengeful jerk that he was, started to play rough. First, a shot to the melon. Then, a knee to the groin. Then, it happened: The elbow.

Ralphie: You could never be like Mike, so why don't you go ride your bike?

Joe: Just as I was about to score again, Mikan took me out with an elbow to the eye. I woke up in the infirmary with one eye closed. I would never regain full sight in that eye again. And, Mikan regained his spot in the starting lineup. Soon, he was on his way to NBA superstardom.

Brad: Personally, I think being a pro athlete has more to do with how well you can wheel and deal with the system rather than your actual skills. Sure, it takes dedication and talent. But in the end, the pros are the ones who were stars in high school, stars in colleges, and semi-stars in life.

Chris: If I didn't have an uncontrollable desire to stay at home and play videogames, I would be the sixth man on an NBA team right now. Not to brag or anything, but I could touch the rim back in high school, and I can still touch the rim. Any NBA team wants that type of skills coming off their bench.

Joe: You think you're better than me? If I was five years younger . . .

Ralphie: I want everyone to know who I am, and I want to be good at my sport. I want to be as famous as Charles Barkley and Michael Jordan. I really like that Michael Jordan played pro basketball and pro baseball.

Brad: But life isn't about being the star or chasing after lost dreams. Life is about accepting what you can and can't do, what has and hasn't happened to you, and what good can come or be made from it. Chris is a professional writer for a Texas-based newspaper, I am on my way to New York City, and Ralphie has all of his youthful potential intact. And Joe, well Joe here turned an elbow into a story that could be sold as a cure for insomnia! Quickly Chris, record this, we'll make millions on QVC! There's hope, there's so much hope!

Joe: They created "Everyone Wins a Trophy Day" just for you.

Chris: I wish they'd had that day back when I was in school.

Joe: Give me that Super Bowl trophy. I don't care about the trophy itself, or the adulation from millions across the globe. Nope. I only want a free trip to Disney World. Personally, I hate that little rodent and the media empire he's built. But, my dang kids have been nagging me to pony up for a trip there for the grandkids. Whiny, ungrateful kids. I guess it would be one way to shut them up. Just keep me away from that teacup ride--it frightens me.

Brad: Community sports always interested me more. And while I do admit to watching the Super Bowl every January, I would rather watch high schoolers go at it in October. That being said, the Super Bowl would be my choice of tantamount sports event.

Chris: He just said "tantamount."

Brad: I would much rather have one of those rings. But MVP? Me? Never. I don't like to be the star of the show, just a working cog, a lineman over a quarterback. Though if I was that lineman who randomly picked up a fumble and rushed the 90 yards to the goal with seconds to spare in the fourth quarter . . . yeah, I'd be pretty sweet.

Chris: There's something you have in common with Leon Lett. Maybe the two of you can get to be pen pals or something.

Ralphie: I would want to win the NBA Finals MVP because I love basketball.

Joe: You're 50 pounds, soaking wet. Sports ain't your bag, kid.

Ralphie: My mom says people who can't play sports write about them.

Joe: I was relegated to other pursuits. I picked up motorcycle jumping. Hours before my first big jump over the Grand Canyon, an evil guy named Knievel stole my sequined outfit and my bike . . . along with my glory.