Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue: Nearing Closer to Porn?

When I went over to the counter of the local food store, I couldn't help but see the cashier slightly snickering at the thing I was purchasing. After all, this magazine was the prized issue of all others. Compared to statistics and interviews of the previous compilations of sweaty jocks, it was a lot preferable to the manly eye. And this issue I speak of? The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.

When you open the pages of these 'special editions' of the great Sports Illustrated, your mouth will begin to open, with a little saliva dripping down your chin and landing on your already wet pants. It is the almost-illegal thing that a person could buy for a kid, mostly because it has been declared to be softcore pornography, in the case of some 'barely bikinis'. Yet, it is the magazine a child brings up to the treehouse with his friends and begins to ogle over the glorious mountains they can barely climb. Though, as I slowly looked through each page, I began to realize something troubling me.

As much as I do desire beautiful women, I kinda feel guilty in the way that I look at them like a lion scans its meat. I mean, here are these girls, smiling and frolicking in their million-dollar not-even-there's, and they show odd feelings to you when you look at them. Though, they don't have attraction to you, my friends. They have attraction towards the camera lens that is glaring down at their eyes in the hot beach sun. After all, just why should you show such attraction to someone who is twice your age, less than your own weight without clothing, and cluttered up with makeup all over their bare body?

Another thing that occurs to me is the fact of the advertisements that you see in these issues. Normally, they are ALWAYS beer and cigarette advertisements and tend to have as much sexually suggestive content as the whole issue. I mean, I'm all for the girls, but not so much for the beer and cigarettes. The beautiful girl is giving you a heart attack, but the beer and cigarettes? They'll give you worse.

Now, seeing as that girls are the main part of the whole issue, what exactly is there besides the lovingly prayed-to pictures? Well, there are interviews about the girls who you are looking at currently. Yes, isn't it great to know that Janet's favorite color is red? Or, even better, that she is SINGLE? Oh, imagine the sadness that struck the fellow who found out that the gal he was worshiping over had finally gotten engaged to a hot-bod stud with no brains. Just terrible...

Obviously, this editions can be found linked to pornographic images in magazines such as Playboy and Penthouse. Though, why is it that people buy a magazine that contains beautiful women with bikinis on, instead of a magazine that shows beautiful women fully nude? The answer is simply because anyone can find it. You can't find Playboy in a Wal-Mart, but you can definitely find the Swimsuit Edition of Sports Illustrated. It isn't seen as worse, but it could be. Both show off women like meat, leading me to slowly grow in disgust. I hope our world doesn't keep going like this, otherwise I just may turn gay.

Oh, and one other thing? The Will Ferrell Semi-Pro photoshoot.....oh my god...