Sports and School: How to Tell If Your Child is Stretched Too Thin

Nine year old Adam is every teacher's dream student. He is very intelligent, curious, and super polite. He raises his hand before he speaks and always remembers to say "thank you" after he is given permission to do something. He's a TAG (talented and gifted) student and makes excellent grades. He always does his homework and sometimes does even more than is required.

Adam also plays sports. He plays soccer, both indoors and out, basketball, and baseball in the summer months. And he wants to be the best at all of it. He spends every weekend playing some type of sport or practicing. Plus there is practice through the week and sometimes games. And on the way to the game or practice his Dad is telling him what he should do differently or what he did wrong at the last game. On the way home, he is hearing how he should do something different or again what he did wrong. Oh, sure, occasionally, his parents throw in remarks about how awesome he played, but it is usually followed by a "but, if..."

When is enough just plain too much? How can you tell when your child is stretched too thin? How can you distinguish between being a loving, supportive parent and being a pushy, you can do better, never satisfied, type of parent?

It's not always simple. It's not always easy to tell where the line is. Every parent wants his child to be the best at everything. It's just part of being a parent. We want our child to succeed and we want them to exceed us. Even when we realize that we didn't do as well in school as our child does, we still push for him to do better. Sometimes we fail to see that our children already are exceeding us.

And what about the child? How long can he survive the pressure of always "doing his best" or "trying harder?" How does the stress of always pushing himself to do better manifest its self? Will it show up a year down the road, or when he is an adult? Will he harbor resentments against his parents? Will he do the same thing to his child?

Usually, the stress of too much will show up somewhere along the line. A straight A student may start failing in classes he always excelled in. Or he may start becoming belligerent or disruptive in class. Or he may become withdrawn and quiet. There are signs when a child is under too much pressure.

And that's when a loving, supportive parent is able to spot the signs and say, "Okay, I think you need a break." While a pushy parent may think the child is getting lazy, a supportive parent will see there is a difference between lazy and tired. Tired is when a child is thinking more about winning than about playing. It's when who wins the game becomes the only important issue. I'm not saying winning isn't important; it is, ask anyone who plays any game or sport. But when a child is playing, it should also be about just the fun of playing. When the only issue is winning, you are taking the fun out of childhood.

So as a parent, you should watch your child play. Is he having fun? Because if he isn't, then he isn't really playing. He's only out there doing what he thinks is expected of him. Remember, there's nothing wrong with wanting your child to do his best. The wrong is when his best is never good enough.