SportsBender Exclusive: Raiders Resume Busy Off-Season, Sign Green and Gault

Oakland, CA--Oakland owner Al Davis has continued an aggressive approach this off-season by signing former NFL stars and age-defying speed demons, 7-time Pro Bowl cornerback Darrell Green and ex-Bear and ex-Raider receiver Willie Gault. The team has also expressed interest in reacquiring the services of former "Raider rocket," Cliff Branch, clearing cap room for Olympic gold-medalist, Carl Lewis, and adding the 2001 Kentucky Derby, Monarchos, to its "speed-stable."

The Raiders' Director of Social Network Scouting spotted Green's recent 50^th birthday tweet, as the agile, ageless wonder claimed a remarkable 4.43 40-yard dash. Green captivated "Twitter-nation," declaring, "I'm guessing that makes me the fastest baby boomer! I would say, that's really booming. Are you?" Infinitely impressed, Oakland swiftly placed the rarely utilized "Gran-chise Tag" on Green. The complicated contract clause, inspired by Georga Blanda, requires the team to match Green's 2002 salary, in the form of an annual, single lump sum payment into Green's AARP investment portfolio. The Raiders' staff plans to team the All-Pro cover man with team's elite corner, Nnamdi Asomugha, to form one of the league's most dangerous defensive back duos.

Oakland complemented the "Green-gamble" by signing one of the NFL's fastest receivers of all-time, Willie Gault. Since retirement, Gault has continued to showcase elite athleticism on the track, as a multiple Masters' world record holder. In addition to satisfying a professed "need for speed," an exhaustive post-retirement acting regimen should prove advantageous to prepare the newest Raider for upcoming episodes of future drama in Oakland. According to IMDB, Gault's lengthy resume includes appearances in "Baywatch," "Hangin' with Mr. Cooper," "The Steve Harvery Show," Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, and "The West Wing."

The Green and Gault signings are apparently done deals, pending a prostrate exam and colon screening. Additionally, Davis will meet with Commissioner Goodell in the next week to discuss the elimination of Raiders' night games to accommodate the team's new old-timers. The team also plans to initiate a "Big Brother" program this off-season, pairing Green with quarterback-slacker Jamarcus Russell and Gault with fellow receiver, Darius Heyward-Bey. Expect the former first-round selections to improve considerably next season. In 2009, Russell recorded a 48.8% completion percentage, 3 passing touchdowns, and 11 interceptions, while Heyward-Bey totaled 9 catches for 124 yards.

Oakland's latest two transactions emerge on the heels of several other notable front-office dealings this off-season. The big-foot, big-mouth kicker Sebastian Janikowski signed a new 4-year, $16 million contract, the richest salary awarded to a kicker in NFL history. In January, the Raiders hired "baby-faced," 44-year old Hue Jackson, as the team's new offensive coordinator. Whether the team's wild off-season will produce on-field results remains in question, but change (or is it Brut and Ben-Gay?) is certainly in the air in Oakland.

References:
All stats as reflected on http://www.pro-football-reference.com.
International Movie Database. "Wille Gault," http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0310112/.
Watson, Adam. "Darrell Green Celebrates Birthday by Running Fast," http://espn.go.com/espn/page2/index?id=4925421.
Williamson, Bill. "Raiders Spend Big Money on their Kicker, http://espn.go.com/blog/afcwest/post/_/id/10004/raiders-spend-big-money-to-keep-their-kicker.