Spotting Red Flags in a New Relationship

Here you are again, in a new romantic relationship, and you're feeling pretty giddy over your new mate. Yet, in the back of your mind is the ghost of relationships past, rattling its chains and warning you not to make the same mistakes again. But how do you know if you're ignoring red flags or repeating past patterns when you feel so in love? How do you know if this feeling is the real deal?

The answer is simpler than it seems. By answering two questions and listening to your gut, you can quickly gauge if your new love partner is a match made in heaven, or if you're on the path to heartbreak hell.

The quickest way to evaluate a new relationship's potential is to take some quiet time for yourself and ask yourself how you feel after an interaction with your love interest. Do you feel happy? Energetic? Uplifted? Do you have a desire to become a better person?

If you do not feel those things, maybe you feel drained, or sad. Maybe you feel somewhat let down or empty. Maybe you feel disappointed. If you feel any of these negative emotions, it is possible that you are repeating a bad relationship pattern, you have unrealistic expectations for your mate, or maybe you have sacrificed a little too much of yourself in order to make things work out.

The next question you need to ask yourself is: how do you feel when you are spending time with your partner? Do you feel relaxed and happy or tense and uncomfortable? Do you act like the person you are when nobody is watching you or do you feel nervous that your true self will not be likeable so you modify your behavior? Do the two of you engage in meaningful dialogue, or do you avoid conversations by always doing activities together?

If you conclude that you are relaxed and happy around your mate, and after spending time with your partner you feel content, happy, energetic and uplifted, then you are likely to be truly in love. If you experience feelings of emptiness, disappointment, confusion, nervousness, or feel generally tired and low on energy, then perhaps you are staring at a red flag.

Really take some time to think about these things. The questions are simple, but the answers often are not. The only thing that makes the answers difficult is if you discover that reality is not meshing with your ideals for this person. We all want to believe that the person we are so in love with really is our soul mate this time. Coming to an uncomfortable conclusion is never easy. It takes a lot of guts and courage to admit that maybe this person is not the best person out there for you. However, if you are honest with yourself about these things, you could save yourself years of heartache and disappointment and you can get on with leading a happy life.

Be honest with yourself. If you can't be honest with yourself, you cannot be honest with anyone else. You owe it to yourself to be honest with one of the most important decisions of your life, for it will affect not just you, but your mate, and their friends and family, and so on.

Listen to your gut when you answer these questions. Your first instinct is almost always the best indicator of how you really feel. You will feel a twinge in your gut if you answer with dishonesty. Listen to that twinge. It is telling you the truth. It is a very powerful built-in tool at your disposal, so take advantage of it! If you feel a twinge, take some time to explore its origins. Does a particular scenario spring to mind when you feel that twinge? How does that scenario make you feel? It will help you sift through the love chaff and focus on the finer, more intimate details of your relationship. As they say, the devil is in the details, and this is true of relationships as well. Those tiny details that look so far away and small now may play a significant role in your relationship over the years.

If, after performing this exercise you feel happy with your answers, and you feel like a better person for having known your partner, then relax and enjoy those wonderful in-love feelings. This is a beautiful time in your new relationship and you can rest assured you've done your due diligence in making sure your relationship is starting out on solid ground.