Spring Cleaning Your Sex Life

Spring has sprung. The birds are singing, the grass is greening, and it is time for a spring cleaning which will improve your sex life. The following are three easy steps you can take to dust the cobwebs off your bedposts, air out your hope chest, and join the birds, the bees, and educated flees as they get to it.

Out with the old in with the new

Half the battle of having a having a healthy sex life is feeling sexy yourself. This can be hard to do worn-out, faded, or holey underwear. You may have heard the pearl of wisdom 'if you haven't worn it in a year throw it away.' Many people find this difficult enough to do with their 1980's parachute pants, and ratty flannels from the 1990's. It seems, though, for many people this is even more difficult a task when it comes to the less-often-seen undergarments. The first step in spring cleaning your sex life is to eliminate all underwear you wouldn't be comfortable being seen walking down the street in.

Trim the hedges

Fortunately for those of you in New Jersey, the ban on Brazilian Waxing has not passed. As above, half the battle of having a having a healthy sex life is feeling sexy yourself. While you may not want to be as bald as a Brazilian baby, a little trimming and pruning is essential for spring cleaning your sex life. If your body is a temple, than your body hair is the surrounding garden. Make sure there isn't any stray crab grass or stinkweed and you'll be on your way to a better sex life this spring.

Clean the pipes

The taste of our bodily fluids is dependant upon both our health and our diet. To ensure repeat visits to the temple garden, it's time to focus on putting the right things in your body. Step three of spring cleaning your sex life involves stopping off at the store for mass amounts of pineapple juice, you'll have plenty of room once you throw all your asparagus and onions. Though pineapple will hide a multitude of sins including smoking, alcohol, and fast food binges, it is also recommendable to eliminate the later.

With your brand new briefs and lingerie, topiary wonder of a temple garden, and the nectar of the gods running though your pipes, your sex life has been successful spring-cleaned.