Springtime for Benjamin

He couldn't exactly remember being born although he recalled some of the smells that the early spring brought. Good smells of his mother and the feeling of sunshine. He couldn't have known where the warm sun was coming from just that it was there. The scent of something sweet and of warm milk delighted him. On these days he liked to sit comfortably in the sun and look out into the fields, full of wonder as to the happenings there but not wanting to venture too far from home. On rainy days it was quite different. He remembered dragging himself around and the intense exhaustion and pain breathing brought. He recalled shivering in the cold and damp, but could not place this memory. Just a kind of lonesome abandonment, as if there were a terrible war and all had left him for dead. It was a frightful place and sometimes seemingly so real for him he would curl up in the dark and just stay there.

In his dreams on the dark and rainy days he would see a bright flash of light and the feeling of nauseous sleep would overcome him. He was there, but not there. A large silver thing was cutting deep into him, exposing his inner self. Then the sound of scraping and suction would begin. The smell, oh the smell was that of death and it grew around him as he lay there cut in two. He could see his legs, hanging, bones through the skin, scabs and torn skin. Why couldn't he move them? He could feel the pain, he could see them there limp. Yet they refused to run for him, to get him away from this place. His dreams faded into darkness and this dream became a blur.

It happened every time he woke up. He wasn't quite certain as to where he was and would lay there for awhile trying to get his bearings. He was ready to attack, friend or foe it mattered not. Nothing was safe until he could smell the air and get a clear idea as to where he was. Strange, this morning his head would not clear, everything was blurry. He smelled food but felt sick to his stomach, maybe something to drink. He found a drink of water but still did not know this place and lay back down. People came and went, some looked at him, some spoke to him, and one even touched him for a minute. He was too tired to fight. He didn't want to sleep for fear of that dream returning but exhaustion over took him and he slept, he slept for along time.

Benjamin, those people kept calling him Benjamin. He would look at them when they said this Benjamin and they would smile at him. They would rub his head or the back of his neck; they moved his limp legs up and down. These things felt nice. He relaxed for a time with these people. Nothing bad happened yet. He couldn't run anyway even if he did put up a fight, where could he go with two bum legs? Truth was he liked this attention, but he didn't like the nights alone. Always alone. Sometimes he would hear others cry out in the middle of the night and wonder what was happening to them. Then one evening he heard the noise again, the noise like constant thunder that continued to come closer, he called out; trying to drown out the noise, but it didn't stop. He screamed and screamed until it ended. Exhausted again he slept. He remembered this time, a horrible memory. Sitting in the sunshine and the big thing that sounded like thunder coming toward him, he tried to run but it caught his legs and began to eat him, pulling him deeper and deeper into the thunder. Then it stopped and a man pulled him out and laid him in a dark place. He could remember it now, the man laughing as his legs bled, the man starting the thunder again and bringing it closer to him then further back as he shook in terror. This had not been a dream. He glanced down at his legs. This was real. Where was he?

In the morning a girl came and took him out of the place, she brought him to a beautiful garden where there were trees and sunshine. She helped him up and tried to help him walk. Day after day she was there with him until finally he could indeed walk on his own. He could breathe without the pain now as well. When did all of this happen he wondered, it seemed not long ago he was ready to just give up? But here was this beautiful girl calling out his name. Walk to me Benjamin, let's walk together. On these days he was very happy and would smile a big smile. He grew stronger and soon he and his girl were running together. He would tire out quickly and rest but he knew she would be there waiting for him. Then the day came and his girl brought a man with her. Was she leaving him? Had he done something wrong? But she looked at him warmly and kissed him, held him close and then sent him away with this man. He cried out for her, he sobbed; he tried to run to her. But all was lost as she was whisked away. Again he fell into a deep depression.

He tried to be a good friend, but his heart was broken and no matter how he tried he could not get her out of his mind. Every walk he and his new buddy went on he would look for her, around every corner. In every woman's voice he would hear "You can do it Benjamin, come and walk with me!" He had such great hopes but as time went on depression took the best of him and he just stared out the window. He didn't eat, or go for walks; he began to feel sick again. His new buddy must have known this and gave up as well. For he took Benjamin back to her.

Benjamin began to feel well again, he was with his lady. She had a companion as well but the three of them were the best of friends. They would spend time hiking in the vast woods, riding along the country side, the wind in their hair and the sun warm on their faces. This is the place he felt most safe. He still slept alone in the evenings but the nightmares were beginning to fade. The future looked bright; at least there was hope now where there had been none before.

Another long car ride for Benjamin, his lady and her companion took him further north than he had ever been. He was anxious as the landscape and smells were nothing like he had ever experienced. They came upon a little home and visited with a man who had other friends like Benjamin. Again his lady looked at him. His heart beat fast and he began to cry, he knew this time was truly the last time he would see her. That she had indeed found a place that he would call home. And although he felt safe he was overwhelmed with sadness. She had brought him so much, she had given him a reason to live when he was so close to giving up, and she had saved him at least twice. But he would be brave for her. One last hug, one last kiss.

It is Springtime for Benjamin again. He runs with his friend along mountain ridges and they bond together as they share similar experiences from the past. He is safe at home and lays in the warm sunshine whenever he wants to. He walks and runs, eats to his pleasure and only rarely recalls those dreams of the past. The nightmares of what once was now truly are just dreams, they could be anyone's. He still recalls his angel and how she gave him life, in bringing him his health and a new home, but also in trusting that there are those that can treat you well. That there are those you can trust. That not all of life is a fight. He sees her in the sunshine and on bright mornings when he hears "C'mon Benjamin, lets go for a walk."