Spying on Your Children is Responsible Parenting

I trust my children. But, they are just children, and as such, they can only make decisions from an inexperienced point of view. Sometimes they may need unsolicited advice, and the only way you can support your child is if you know when the help is needed.

I know many parents who think teens and tweens shouldn't have unlimited texting available to them. I disagree whole-heartedly. Cell phone texting is an easy way to covertly and not so secretly find out what your tween/teen is up to. Make an agreement with your child that at random times, the cell phone will be handed over to the parent for inspection. (It doesn't hurt to take the phone after your child is asleep or in the shower occasionally. They can delete messages very efficiently) Read the texts, check out the phone log, and look for unfamiliar numbers and names. Always look at the pictures, both incoming and outgoing. There are many legal cases right now, of children accused of possessing inappropriate images. This is something that can affect your child for the rest of their life and shouldn't be taken lightly.

If your child isn't okay with an arrangement like this, then I wouldn't let them have the phone. If there is nothing to hid, then a sharing arraignment should work just fine. Trust will be key. They may say "spying on your children" violates their privacy. Look at this as an opportunity to build your parent-child relationship. Tell your child that unless there is something of concern on the phone, the messages will be kept in confidence, to teasing or gossiping. Remember your teen years and know that they will rant, often about you. Don't take it too serious or let this dissuade you. This is an essential part of spying on your children. Let them know their safety is your primary concern, the rest is their business.

Every teen/tween and even most young children have easy access to the internet. Don't be lulled into a false sense of security just because you child doesn't have a computer. Computers are readily available at school, friend's homes, libraries and via cell phones. Spying on your children has to include the World Wide Web. Know the sights they frequent and the passwords for access. Spy on your children's MySpace page, but make sure that you aren't watching the "Made for Mom" MySpace page. Many children have multiple pages. Check out their friends pages too. There have been countless reports of children confessing to suicidal thoughts in online situations. This is when spying on your children can literally mean the difference between life and death.

Spying on your children may put you in a very awkward situation if you find out someone else's child is endangered in some way. Think as if it were your own child. Never hesitate to bring something of concern to another parent, school official or law enforcement officals. I would rather risk offending a fellow parent, than to live with the regret of "If only I had done something".

Every person is made up of multiple personalities: parent, spouse, worker, etc... Children are no different. By spying on your Children in their life without you, it is possible to get a glimpse of their "friend" personality. Do they seem happy? How do they act in a group? Do you know all the kids your child is hanging out with? Do you know their parents?

Overall, while spying on your children may sound a little paranoid, it is nothing new. Our parents checked our pockets for paper notes, listened in on phone calls, and read our diaries. Spying isn't a violation of privacy; privacy is something that is garnered with maturation. Be honest, you're not really spying on your child, you're protecting them they need it most. When they think they don't need it.