Stabbed in the Heart

"Yahoo!" Steve Morton yelled as he watched the barely clad blonde spin around the pole one more time.

Jim Mavelli chuckled to himself as he watched his friend. Jim figured, what the heck, your best friend only turns thirty-two once. No one was available for a party so why not take him where there's always a party. If Jim was being honest, he would have to admit that he was enjoying the show a bit more than a man married for six years should.

"Thanks buddy," Steve said, "this is the best birthday present. I think I'm in love."

Jim laughed, "Yeah, that's what you said about the last three girls that came on stage."

"And that's what I'll say about every other girl that comes on stage for the rest of the night."

Jim responded, "You single guys can stay all night. I've got to get home. . ."

Steve looked at his friend quizzically.

"Ut oh," Jim said, "of all the things to forget. My father-in-law is in town on business. I was supposed to be home an hour ago to take him to dinner."

Steve cringed and said, "Move over Rover, you'll have company in the dog house tonight."

At that moment Steve realized what Jim had said, "Jim, did you say that you forgot?"

"Yeah, I forgot," Jim said, wondering how he would explain it to Diane.

"I never heard you say that word before," Steve said. "You have an almost perfect photographic memory. You had all those think tank people giving you all kinds of tests when you were a kid. How can you forget?"

"I was only half listening when Diane told me. My mind was on the Espana E-Commerce Project. I'm surprised I remembered it at all. You can't easily remember what you don't hear in the first place. Anyway, I've got to go."

"You go ahead," Steve said, smiling at the blonde bumping and grinding in front of him, "I think Tara Ta Ta here likes me. She keeps smiling at me."

Jim responded as he stood, "I'd smile at you too if you kept sticking dollars in my g-string."

"Why Jim," Steve said, "I didn't know g-strings were part of your wardrobe."

"God," Jim said, "don't say that out loud. I'm in enough trouble already."

Steve laughed and slapped his friend on the back. "OK, get out of here, and thanks for the great present."

Jim didn't wait for the server. He went to the bar, paid his tab, left a tip, grabbed his change and headed for the door. He jammed the handful of change and the receipt into his jacket pocket as he moved out onto the streets of suburban Washington, D.C.

It was after eight before Jim Mavelli made it to his home in Maryland. Diane was sitting alone at the kitchen table.

"Hello Jim," she said coldly, "in case you are interested my father and I waited for two hours. He has an early meeting tomorrow so he could not wait any longer. We dined on left over meatloaf sandwiches. A fitting meal for a father that hasn't seen his daughter in six months, wouldn't you say?"

"Diane, I'm really sorry. I couldn't help it. I'll call your father and apologize. I just got stuck. I couldn't get out. . ."

"Stop!" Diane called holding up her hand. "Don't compound this situation with a lie. I called your office before I left mine. They told me that you left early with your old buddy Steve. I should have known that would mean trouble."

"Look," Jim said taking off his jacket, "I know you don't like Steve, that's why you wouldn't remember that today is his birthday. I took him out for happy hour and we lost track of time. That's what happened. I'm sorry."

As he finished speaking he pulled the change from the jacket pocket and the receipt flew into the air. He made a grab for it but Diane snatched it out of the air. Jim froze. He knew this was bad, really bad.

Diane looked at the receipt, then at Jim. "So this is where you spent happy hour. I see why you lost track of time. This is so pathetically juvenile. Most intelligent men have found better things to do with themselves."

"OK, yeah, it's juvenile, it's stupid, and it's low class, but let's not make more of it than it is. It was for Steve's birthday; it doesn't happen everyday."

"A lot of things don't happen everyday Jim. Like it's been a long time since you've had any respect for my feelings. You seem to have no interest at all in making me happy."

"Maybe it's because you have been obsessed," Jim said, his defenses kicking in. "I've tried to make you happy, but you are only interested in the one thing that I can't give you."

"We can't have a child ourselves, but that doesn't mean we can't have a child."

"Someone else's child," Jim said, raising his voice.

"Damn you Jim," Diane yelled, "damn you for denying me this. I want a family!"

"Hey," Jim yelled back. "It's not my plumbing that doesn't work!"

Suddenly everything froze. The house became silent. Jim desperately tried to pull the words out of the air, but it was no use. His heart sank when he looked at his wife.

She was crushed. Diane was a short brunette with well-proportioned features. But now she looked like a little girl; a lost little girl. Her brown eyes filled with tears, and she held herself as if she was trying to keep from falling apart.

"Diane," Jim said softly, "I'm. . ."

"No," Diane said through her tears. "I want you to do two things. I want you to call my father and apologize, and see if we can take him to dinner tomorrow night. Then I want you to gather some things and find a hotel for the night. Tomorrow come home, and we'll take Dad to dinner. He is not to know of this. After he leaves we'll decide what happens next. Now please go because I'm going to do a lot of crying and I don't want you to see it."

Jim sat in the dark hotel room. He had talked to his father-in-law who immediately accepted his apology and agreed to see them the next day. Now, Jim just stared into the darkness. "How did it come to this?" he wondered. "What happened to that feeling? That warmth I felt whenever she looked at me. Was it her wanting a child so badly?"

"That's sure a big part of it you idiot," Jim said out loud.

He lay down, but he just kept thinking, "It's not that I don't like kids or that I can't love a kid that we didn't conceive. It's just that people change so much when they have a child. I'm afraid of that change. What if I'm no good at that part of life? You just can't give up and start over. Once the kid is there the kid is there."

"So," Jim asked himself, "why tell me. Tell Diane. Be honest about how you feel and maybe it can be worked out."

"Be honest, sure," the other side responded. While I'm being honest maybe I should tell her that I was relieved when we found out that she couldn't conceive. That meant no child and it wasn't my fault."

The mental battle went on. There would be no sleep for Jim Mavelli tonight.

The next morning Jim looked at himself in the mirror. He looked like hell. His black curly hair was a mess. His deep brown eyes were glazed and bloodshot. The only thing that was organized was his neatly trimmed beard. He had told Diane when they met that he grew it to offset the size of his Roman nose. That thought brought a weak smile to Jim's face.

Jim's karate training helped him maintain the athletic body that he had in college. At thirty-one he hadn't lost a step. This morning Jim had no motivation to practice his forms. Fitness was the last thing on his mind. Jim pulled himself together and went off to work.

The President and C.E.O. of Columbia E-Business Solutions started the meeting. "I would like to extend my heartiest congratulations to the team members of the Espana E-Commerce project. Brahas International Corporation has accepted delivery of our servers and our software system. They have also signed up for long term maintenance and support."

Cheers erupted in the room. The boss waved his hands to quiet the audience and continued, "The executive board of Brahas has requested that Jim Mavelli come to Madrid to oversee the first installation and training sessions. This is an official boon-doggle, Jim. They are paying you to go first class all the way and there is almost no work involved. This is their way of expressing their appreciation for the work you have done."

The boss waved Jim to come forward and he shook Jim's hand. In a quieter voice he told Jim, "You'll be seeing a hefty bonus from C.E.S. in appreciation for your work.

Everyone was happy for Jim, but all Jim could think about was how he was going to tell Diane that he was leaving for Spain in two weeks.

When Jim arrived home, he saw a rental car in the driveway. He felt a sense of relief that the confrontation would be put off for a few more hours. Jim left his overnight bag in the car and went into the house.

Dennis Richardson stood as Jim entered. Jim's father-in-law was a very strong looking man despite his salt and pepper hair. A former Navy Senior Chief, Dennis now managed an installation and training team for a major Navy contractor. Jim always liked Dennis and the feeling was mutual. Jim hated to think what would happen to that friendship if Diane told Dennis what he had said to her.

Dennis gripped Jim's hand firmly. "It's good to see you Jim."

"It's good to see you to Dennis. I'm sorry about yesterday. It was all my fault."

"Forget about it Jim," Dennis said. "I was in the Navy; remember? I disappointed Diane's mother so many times that she gave up expecting me home at any particular time."

Dennis turned to his daughter, "You are giving Jim a break on this one aren't you Diane? Things like this happen. It's no big deal."

"Sure Dad," Diane said without a smile.

"Good," Dennis said, "now let's head to chow, I'm starved."

Jim stepped over to Diane, but she skillfully avoided his kiss on the cheek. That told Jim that this situation was far from settled.

They went to the Outback Steakhouse and Dennis proved that he wasn't too old to devour the biggest steak in the place and still look for desert.

"You are impressive Dennis," Jim said, "you eat like a horse and you are all muscle. Will you ever get fat?"

"As soon as I stop working out," Dennis answered, "but I have no intention of doing that. Speaking of working out, aren't you about ready for your black belt test Jim?"

"In a couple more months; I have a few more knife defense techniques to master and the cane form."

"Tang Soo Do is an excellent style," Dennis said. "It is very close to Cuong Nhu especially in the lower forms."

Jim asked, "How long have you had your black belt?"

"Twenty-two years. They closed the dojo where I used to workout, but I try to keep up with it. Hey, maybe we should spar some time."

"Oh, I don't know Dennis."

"Oh come on. We both have control, it would be fun."

Jim slid out of the subject with the standard, "We'll see."

Changing the subject, Dennis asked, "So what's the big news in the Mavelli household?"

There was silence for a minute as Jim and Diane looked at each other. Then Jim thought that this would be a perfect time to make the announcement.

"Brahas International has accepted delivery of our E-Commerce system and has signed on with C.E.S. for the long haul."

"That's great!" Dennis said. "Isn't that great Diane?"

"Yes, it's wonderful." Diane said showing true joy over the news, "Jim has been working very hard on that project."

"That was your baby, right Jim?" Dennis asked.

"Yeah, I designed this one and led the team."

"In that case the company owes you big time for this one."

"Yes, the C.E.O. said I should expect a token of the company's gratitude very soon."

"Excellent!" Dennis cheered.

Jim added, "There is one small thing I have to do to seal the deal. I have to go to Madrid and supervise the installation and the first training session. The C.E.O. said it was mostly ceremonial."

"You'll love Madrid Jim," Dennis said, "I've stopped there many times on my way to the Navy base in Rota."

Diane gave Jim a look that he could not interpret. Then she stood, "If you gentlemen would excuse me for a minute, I want to powder my nose before we leave."

The men watched her leave, and then Dennis spoke, "Good, I'm glad we have a minute alone. While you're in Madrid check out a cabaret called Le Trumpet. It's at fifty-four Via Grande. Heck, just grab a taxi; they'll get you there. The place is a lot of fun."

Then he pointed a finger at Jim, "Look but don't touch. If you touch, I'll have your ass, and don't tell Diane I mentioned this. If her mother finds out, she'll have my ass."

"It's a deal," Jim said.

Dennis laughed and slapped Jim on the back.

Dennis drove off leaving Jim and Diane in the house alone. The kitchen was deathly still as they stood with the table between them.

Breaking the silence Diane said, "So you're going to Spain, that's very exciting."

"Why don't you come with me, it'd be fun?" Jim said trying desperately to find an olive branch.

"This is a very busy time for our budget process now, you know that, and besides," Diane paused and looked into Jim's eyes, "it may be a good time to take stock and decide what we want out of this marriage."

Jim took Diane's hand tenderly with his right hand he gently stroked the back of her hand with his left. That was something that always made Diane feel warm inside. Then he said, "Diane, I'm sorry I said what I said. That was terrible and stupid and I'll never say anything like that again. I know what you want. Let's do it. Diane, let's look into adoption."

"You are saying that," Diane said holding firm, "because you feel that you have no choice. You don't want a child any more today that you did yesterday."

"You're right about that Diane, but I love you. I love you very much, and if you want a child, we'll do everything we can to get a child. I have fears of being a father. Fears about what it will do to our lives, but I can handle them."

Diane opened her arms and Jim went to her. They held each other close for a minute then Diane slowly pulled away and said, "I love you too Jim, but I still want you to delay your offer until after you come back from Spain."

Then they came together again. "OK," Jim said, "but; know that I love you, I need you, and I want you to be happy, I do."

"I love you to Jim, and I don't know what I would have done if you chose not to come back. Now let's go to bed. I have three budget meetings tomorrow."

Jim slipped his hand around his wife's waist and she stepped away. "I'm sorry Jim, but I'm going to have to work back to that."

Jim nodded and the couple went to bed with a cease-fire, if not a peace treaty.

Jim spent the next two weeks preparing for his trip. It was mid May and the weather was glorious in the Maryland suburbs of Washington. It also had turned warmer in the Mavelli house. Jim and Diane spent more time together and things between them felt right again, almost. Jim still felt that there was something missing in the way Diane looked at him. Maybe it was an illusion created by guilt, but it was like she was looking at something she valued, but it was flawed.

It was the last weekend before Jim's trip so they decided to spend it at Virginia Beach. As they lay on the sandy beach, aircraft from nearby Oceania Naval Air Station would roar overhead. Jim would identify them each time. "Look F-14 Tomcats. Oh there goes an A6 Intruder, and look there, three A10 Thunderbolts, and there's. . ."

"I know, I know for crying out loud," Diane complained, "I grew up on Navy bases. I know them all. My father did the same damn thing every time one flew over. That's why I wanted to go to Ocean City."

Jim laughed, "OK Baby, point taken."

"You're not going to have much time to get organized when we get back," Diane asked, "are you packed?"

"Yep, packed and ready to go. My passport is in my briefcase and my Spanish is awful and it won't get any better."

"I hope you have a good time Jim, I really do. If it were a different time of year, I would go too."

Diane's words were music to Jim's ears, but the look was still there. Jim thought to himself, "If I could only start over; from the beginning; from the first day that we met. I would never give her reason to look at me like she does now."