Stages of Independence in Kids

From the time a baby sleeps through the night or holds his or her own bottle, the push toward total independence has begun. Each stage holds its own, sometimes small, step toward being an independent adult. Here is a look at each stage, as well as what you can do to foster independence in your child.

Infant: Babies, although totally dependent upon their parents for survival, begin small steps toward independence not long after birth. Learning to self-soothe by sucking a thumb or taking a pacifier is a good example of this. Later, wriggling to get down off of mom or dad's lap is the first big step of being on his or her own. The crawling stage brings with it a time of exploration, moving to get a toy and entertaining oneself. All of these things allow babies to figure out the world and their place in it.

What You Can Do: Give your baby plenty of floor time. If possible, lay him or her on a blanket several times during the day. Play, talk, and show him or her stimulating pictures or toys. When your baby begins to crawl, make sure your baby explores safely by baby proofing. Again, provide your baby with stimulating toys to help acquire new skills and spark imagination. These don't have to be expensive...babies love a wooden spoon and a good pot to bang on!

Toddler: If you have a toddler, you understand when I say that this is perhaps the most independence-seeking stage. Most toddlers know exactly what they want and they want to do it all by themselves. Now. Toddlers are also curious, allowing them to learn a million things a day about the world and how to navigate through it. Potty training, making choices and learning consequences are all part of the journey toward independence.

What You Can Do: It's true that days are hectic and time is of the essence in order to get everything done. However, it's important to allow extra time for your toddler to be a toddler. If you know that your toddler will demand to dress him or herself, begin this process earlier. Empower your child by giving him or her a choice of what to wear, what to eat, etc. Just be sure that both choices are equally good, unless you wish to go to the grocery store with a toddler dressed in a bathing suit and striped leggings.

Kindergarten: Kindergarten is a huge step for many children, being away from home for an extended period of time, learning social skills, and making decisions without the watchful eye of parents. It is an important time to build self-esteem, since they begin to realize that they can do many things on their own.

What You Can Do: First, realize that your kindergartener is not a baby. Give them opportunities to be more independent, giving them more responsibility when it comes to dressing, bathing, etc. Allow them to develop skills they will need as an adult, including social and communication skills.

Tween: On the verge of being a teen, the tween years are a confusing time, since children are caught between the desire to be more "grown up" and the need to be a child. My daughter's Christmas list this year illustrated this by including clothes and a hair dryer, as well as a ZhuZhu Pet and porcelain doll. Tweens need freedom to begin to be independent, but also continue to need parental guidance to make decisions that are difficult or scary for them.

What You Can Do: Let your tween take more responsibility for him or herself, laying out clothes for school, packing a lunch, etch. Allow your tween to begin to make decisions for him or herself, or at least include him or her in your decision making. Praise your tween when he or she makes a good choice, and discuss consequences and alternative actions for bad decisions.

Teen: The last push toward independence, this is an important stage since adulthood is just around the corner.

What You Can Do: Unless your teen has giving you reason not to, trust them to make more decisions. Give them more free time to be away from you and freedom to figure things out on their own. However, your teen still needs boundaries and rules. Don't compromise your teen's health and safety to foster independence.

In the end, realize that independence is good. My grandmother used to say that we are not raising children, we are raising adults. Helping your child to be an independent individual will allow him or her to become a self-sufficient, responsible adult.