Stalking: Personal Experience and Tips

One time, about 13 years ago ... a girl went to church with a boy. This girl and boy became friends, along with a couple of other people. There was a silly little childhood crush, nothing more to it. Over the years, because this girl's father worked a demanding job, the girl and boy lost contact when the girl moved. About 4 1/2 years later, this boy contacted this girl.... By this time, the girl was living with her boyfriend/room-mate and didn't know it at the time, but was pregnant with her first child. This boy was going into basic training at the age of 17, he came and spent the day with the girl and her boyfriend/room-mate. This boy and girl hung out as friends, the boy and girl had a couple of snapshots taken together as friends.

At the end of this day, the boy asked the girl if she'd "wait" for him, for when he got home from basic training, he'd like to try a relationship with her. The girl said she *might.* They wrote a few letters back and forth, then the girl decided to marry her boyfriend/room-mate *as he was the father of her child* and so they did. But before that happened, the girl wrote a letter to the boy, and told him she had decided to get serious with the boyfriend/room-mate.

Fast forward a few months, the girl is married and the boy calls. The boy asks her to leave her husband for him and be with him, that he didn't care she was pregnant. The girl tells the boy she doesn't have those kind of feelings for him, that she is happy and loves her husband. That was the last the girl heard from the boy for several years. Over the years, said girl gets divorced twice.

After girl is married for the third time, and is looking up old friends over the Internet, she remembers this boy she used to go to church with. She looks him up along with a few other "kids" they went to church with back then, and they all start talking again... Girl admits how she handled situation with boy was wrong way back when they were teens, but tells him she still made the right decision and doesn't regret the decision... Only how she handled it.

After a few weeks, said boy begins telling girl how he loved her, he's always loved her, she's his first and only love, that she is the only one who's ever made him happy or ever would. Boy starts calling girl constantly, IM-ing her constantly and emailing her. Girl realizes if she's not online, that her home phone will ring, that if she's not home, her cell phone will ring. Girl starts getting really freaked out. Girl is very happy and very much in love with her husband, who happens to be out of the country serving in Iraq.

Girl tells boy to back off, they are only friends and that's all they ever were or could be. Boy backs off, or appears to. Girl decides this works for her. Then boy starts it up again. Girl, after repeatedly telling boy that her husband isn't comfortable with the situation (which husband isn't even aware of, girl doesn't want to bother her husband with this, and is just telling boy this to get him to back off!), and boy continuing to act and expect as though girl should choose to remain friends with him even though husband doesn't like situation, out of desperation- writes an email to boy, pretending to be husband to warn boy off of girl.

Boy doesn't take the hint, and begins apologizing for "screwing up" a friendship, asking where he stands with girl, etc, etc. Girl repeatedly tells boy, but he acts as though he doesn't get it. Girl realizes he really has some issues and flat-out tells boy to go away. Girl then moves from where she was living (for other reasons!), changes home phone number, and has a few weeks peace. Then girl hears from a friend that she and boy went to church with back in the day, that boy has contacted them, asking them to tell Girl various things. Then, girl gets a message in her Gather inbox from boy, saying something to the effect of "I'm sorry I missed your 3 calls yesterday, I was asleep, etc." The kicker is, Girl didn't call boy, girl had removed his number from her cell phone and never memorized it to begin with, and girl didn't want to know his number. Girl writes back that she's done no such thing, and that boy better check his numbers again.

By this point, Girl had removed boy from her MySpace 2 months before, blocked him from MySpace and IM's of all sorts, and had removed boy from her friends and groups on Gather. Girl has found out that boy was discharged from the military for "medical reasons" (rumored to be due to mental disorders), that two other women have had restraining orders against him, and has gotten harassing IM's from someone claiming to be a friend of his on MySpace claiming boy has severe mental issues.

Boy proceeds to post a photo of himself and girl on Gather, taken when they were young teenagers. Girl asks him repeatedly to remove the photo, and then contacts Gather about the photo. Boy writes an email back saying he'd "consider" removing the photo if she'll answer his questions, Girl writes back she owes him no explanations, that they're no longer friends and contact, whether direct or indirect is not welcome. Gather finally removes said photo and Girl hopes it will be the end of it.

I knew this person for half of my life, and discovered that he has some pretty severe issues, and apparently had developed a sort of obsession on me. Really scary, and this is a warning to everyone... Please be careful! If someone/something doesn't feel right, then likely it isn't!! I don't know if this person will try contacting myself or my friends again, nor do I know how truly dangerous he is.... It just goes to show, you never really know a person!

If you're being harassed or stalked... Here are a few tips for personal safety:

1. If you know who's doing it, make it clear to the person that contact is not welcome, in any shape or form.

2. Save any emails, phone records, etc. for proof of the harassment/stalking. This could make the difference in whether or not you are able to get a restraining order on the person or not.

3. Contact the police immediately. Whether you believe the person is a danger or not. You never know for sure who is going to cause you or someone you love physical harm or not. Call the police and make a report every time the person contacts you.

4. Don't take the situation lightly. Take any harassment or threats seriously, and when contacting police, even if they seem unwilling to do anything about it, keep on them until they take it seriously.

5. Protect yourself at all times, use basic safety precautions and make sure you alert friends and family to the situation- this could save your life!