Stand Up to Racism Yourself

I have known my friend now for almost 25 years, we grew up on the same street and her mom and mine still live a block away from each other. We did swim team together, started school together, had kids and got married. You can see the type of friend I am talking about here. Not close, more like ingrained into the life path designated for you. So you can imagine my surprise when I found out she is a racist! Seriously, I had no idea and now that I think about it I really do not think she knew it either!

You see she works as a cashier at a grocery store that encourages a more friendly shopping experience and adds personal touches to its service whenever possible. They take on the old 'mom n pop' style of store and seem to be quite a laid back bunch. So my friend as usual was talking with a woman passing through her check stand and who seemed to be enjoying an amicable bit of small talk. Diligently pricing everything and packing up neat paper bags of goods for the woman to take home, the topic of conversation turned to gang violence. Odd you may ask for a mere checkout conversation, but this is the type of person my friend is. She is happy to talk about anything and generally has alternative views that are quirky and great to listen to.

Back to the gang violence, this customer happened to be from Oakland and she observed that the violence in San Jose was worse, she also noted in one way or another that most of the Oakland gang bangers are black. To this my friend made her faux pas and finally revealed just what a racist she is. She retorted that perhaps the difference between the gangs of these two areas is that the gang bangers of San Jose are... here it is... MEXICAN! She used the M word and that was it, her secret was out. My friend finally let the world know she is racist against people of Mexican decent.

Now are you scratching your head yet? Because I was. Apparently what transpired next is the real shock to me. The customer secured her purchases and then promptly left the store and went home with the last comment mulling on her mind. Being a woman of Mexican decent, she let herself ponder on the use of the word Mexican all the way home until it spurred her into action. The store my friend works at generously supplies the name of the cashier on the receipt and the store number, however she decided on taking it to the next level. She looked up the corporate head office in L.A. and called the complaints department directly to report the racial abuse she had faced whilst merely trying to buy some asparagus and organic Hormone-Free milk! She gave my friends name over, received assurances that this was not their policy and was left to be contented with a sincere apology and maybe a gift card for their store. I guess it did the trick, no more has been heard from Superstar, Fight the Abuse and Stop the Racism woman and as of yet she has not come through the line of my friend again.

On the other hand, my friends manager came over to her and took her aside and chastised her for her racial harassment of the customer, threatened to fire her and warned her that this was a serious offense which would go on her pristine 7-year record as harassment to be seen by all future employers. Well, serves her right, we live in California, we do not tolerate racial abuse of any kind, we heralded the creation of affirmative action, we know deep in our hearts and minds that all men are created equal and women are too. If you live to love California you cannot have a racist atom in your fiber, if you do then you are labeled as an outsider, someone from across the borders that protect this race-free state!

Now if you are shopping beware of her, she is the lovely, slightly short, young looking girl with glasses. She will probably have pulled her hair pack in that pragmatic way that she does and looks like trustworthy and hard-working individual. But do not be fooled! At home she is the loving wife of a black man from Oakland (his words to describe not mine...), mother to their adorable children who on most forms will have to tick the other box when asked about race because they will not want to choose which color they prefer, cousin or relative of some nature to people of every race, religion or ethnicity and overall peace-loving, harmless being.

Now that I have given you the what happened and issued you your warning, let me tell you something else, but beware what you might read may cause offense especially if you are of a hyper-sensitive nature.

That day after a cruel wake up of 3:30AM and quiet, lonely drive to work making small talk with people who will never remember your name was still a priority for her. She has given over 7 years to that company and they never once asked her side of the story. She could have easily been offended by the woman's label of gang members from Oakland all being black but she is not of that nature, she is reasonable, rational and not stupid enough to think that because someone uses the word black man they are trying to offend her or somehow slander the man she is married to! Instead she was of the mind-set that they were discussing a sociological issue, a topic she understood and felt she was merely making an observance on. If that woman had had courage to really fight what she perceived as racism she had two options.

1. To confront my friend and receive a prompt, very heartfelt and sincere apology from the person she felt aggrieved by instead of the corporate glad man. My friend would have apologized profusely not to keep her job or look good but because she would have genuinely have been sorry for offending anyone. She was raised not to do that and she is not a malicious person.

2. The woman could have approached her manager right there in the store, as they stayed crouched in a visible, very accessible part of the store. She could have dragged her cart over, made her complaint and received instant more gratifying results and most importantly resolved the issue with the person it concerned.

If you want to fight racism you can but you have to take on the racists right when the racism happens. You do not go home and ponder on whether you are offended or not and then approach people who know nothing of the supposed racist to deal with the problem.
During the civil rights movement the people fighting for their rights did not stay at home, hire the Mexicans to protest on their behalf and wait for results. When Don Imus made his sexist/racial remarks the girls at the center of the dispute did not hide, they showed themselves and let America know their names. Rosa Parks did not get off the bus, Mandela did not escape from prison and go into hiding, Cesar Chavez did not keep working and buy a bigger hat to conceal his identity. Instead they stood up, fought for what they believed in, saw results and felt vindicated. Today people are too sensitive to language and rightly so. But if someone says something that you feel is not right you should have to courage to stand up and be heard if it affects you so much. If you want to fight racism fight it for real, it is not an illusion it requires real action.

Now my friend will just price, bag and charge you for your groceries. She will offer to help you with your cart but she will not ask you how you are doing and genuinely listen to your response.
She will carefully check she does not charge you too much but she will not look you in the eye and let you see a beautiful bit of her soul that would make you smile and maybe change your day. She would if she could but she can't. You see she is disappointed by what happened and the result it produced and secondly, she doesn't want you to know that really she is just a racist...