Standing Your Ground with Defiant Kids

Standing up to defiant kids is easier said than done sometimes. I learned that the hard way as a struggling divorced Mom of three. My kids are grown now. They all turned out great. That doesn't mean they were always easy to deal with. They had their share of defiant moments. Sometimes I wonder how I ever survived single parenting. Still, here I am with three wonderful kids. To what do I owe my success?

I was just as defiant as they were. I wasn't mean to them. I did stand my ground. I was friendly with my kids. Still, they knew who was in charge. So, how do you strike that balance? How do you remain firm without causing kids to rebel further? How can you be the boss without being bossy? It's pretty simple, really.

You have to remain calm. Never feed the fire of a defiant child with angry words. Parenting isn't about making your point. It's about creating an adult you can be proud of. It's about doing right by your child. Never forget this is not a contest. Don't turn your child's defiance into a shouting match. Remember why you're doing this. It will all make sense to them once they're grown adults. Meanwhile, you have nothing to prove.

You have to come from love. When you communicate with a defiant child, try to visualize the good times. Remember that sweet little two year old with the bouncing curls? This is the same kid, all grown up and testing those boundaries. The best thing you can do is stand firm. Backing down will only hurt your child in the end. Do it for the right reason, though. Do it because you love them.

You have to stick to your words. You cannot budge after laying down the ground rules. No matter how defiant your kids are, they're still children. They don't have your experience or wisdom. Once you make a decision, stand firm. Hesitating or backing down shows a lack of self confidence. You are the rock of the family. Your kids are counting on you for security and stability, whether they admit it or not.

You have to practice what you preach. You should never live by a different set of rules from your children. Example is the best teacher. If you expect them to adhere to your rules, you'd better be willing to tow the line. It's true what they say about action speaking louder than words. If you expect kids to follow your rules, you'd better be prepared to do the same. It wasn't easy for me as a young single parent. I had to give up my own youthful fun at times to raise my kids properly. Still, it was all worth it in the end.

Don't forget to smile. Nobody likes a sourpuss dictator. Keeping my sense of humor got me through a lot of defiant moments. While it's vital to stand firm, it's equally vital to do it with a smile on your face and love in your heart. You don't have to be cruel to stand up to your defiant kids. Cracking a joke here and there won't tarnish your image. In fact, it might make your kids soften up a bit too. Got defiant kids? Stand firm. Stick to the rules. Set a good example. Crack a joke once in a while. Do everything from the heart. It will all be worth it when they're grown.

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