Star Trek: The Next Next Generation

STAR TREK is getting pretty long in the tooth. The last version got cancelled due to low ratings. No new movies are planned. There's some vague notions about re-booting the whole Star Trek universe, so obviously it's time to re-energize the franchise. So pitches are being made to create the next series. Here's an inside peek at the pitches:

Star Trek: Academy House - Set in the Starfleet Academy, we follow the zany adventures of the worst group on campus, the Delta Quadrant House. They're always trying to figure out ways to beam beer kegs into their dorm or "borrow" starships to see if women really are from Venus or circle Uranus looking for Klingons.

Star Trek: Retirement Home Nine - When Starship captains run out of space, they're sent into retirement at his high-tech Adult Community. In the first episode, Capt. Pike goes head-to-head with a Cardassian in a game of space shuffleboard, featuring cameos by all members of the casts of all the old shows.

Star Trek: Deep Fryer Nine - When the Federation's economy tanks, many Starfleet personnel will be downsized out of a job. That's when the fun begins as a group of Trekkers start working at a fast food restaurant in space.

Star Trek Babies - What was the Enterprise crew like when they were babies? This animated series will follow the day-care adventures of baby Kirk, baby Spock and all the rest.

Star Trek: The Odd Couple - Can a logical Vulcan and a passionate Telaxian share an apartment without trying each other crazy? Zaniness ensues when Neelix and Tovak are forced to share living quarters.

Star Trek: Behind the Helm - A series of close-up, warts & all, biographies of some of your favorite Starship captains. First episode; What ever happen to Capt. Sisko?

Star Trek: Special Victims Unit - We follow the efforts of an elite group of Starfleet officers, specially trained to deal with violations of the Prime Directive.

Star Trek: Saturn Night Live! - A Starfleet comedy/variety series space-cast from Saturn, featuring the "Not-Ready-For-Prime-Directive" Players. The guest host of the premiere is ALF.

May all this series live long and prosper…in syndication.