'Star Wars' in 3-D! - It Sounds Good, Until You Give it More Than a Minute of Thought

When news first broke last year that the folks at Lucasfilm were planning to do yet another re-release of the Star Wars saga into theaters and they would be in 3-D this time, there were quite a few of us die-hard Star Wars fans that let out a collective groan. That groan grew even louder when we heard the first film to get the 3-D treatment would be Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, the film that is perhaps most derided in both critics' circles and amongst fans. I don't think most of us are looking forward to a 3-D Jar Jar Binks running amok. I'm also fairly certain that even 3-D won't make Jake Lloyd's turn as the young Anakin Skywalker any less flat.

"Enhancing" the film with 3-D special effects will only serve to put a big glop of shineola on this film. The fact remains that it's too long, much too long-winded and it's very short on the key elements that make Star Wars films so fantastic. Whether or not lightsaber blades and blaster bolts jump out of the screen into the audience, the fact remains that this was absolutely the worst of the prequels, and worst of the entire six-film set. There is nothing new that will be gained from the standpoint of story and plot from a 3-D rendering of some of the special effects.

I freely admit to being a bit of a radical purist when it comes to Star Wars. The first trilogy was my jam. I watched those films probably more than anything else as a child, and they hold a place in my heart that few things do. They weren't perfect, and as I've gotten older I've recognized the flaws they they all have, but they still stand the test of the time. When Lucasfilm went through the first time and "added" to each film for their Special Edition releases I was bemused at best and outraged at worst when Greedo shot first and the Ewoks didn't sing "Yub Yub" in celebration of the death of the Empire. (Oh boy I just maybe broke the Guinness record for most geeky sounding sentence ever typed.)

I'm not a fan of the prequels in general. The only joy I get in them is that my four year old son enjoys them. Do I wish he loved the original films only? Yes, yes I do. But the fact that he is into Star Wars as much as he is, allows me to overlook my own hatred for the prequels and see the beauty in he and I sharing something in common.

The fact remains though, that turning The Phantom Menace into a 3-D film is a poor decision. Even if you discount the more "artistic" reasons for why it shouldn't be done, you're left with the simple fact that films that are not shot in 3-D lose a lot of visual quality. The contrast on the print is severely compromised and the films take on an overall dim effect. Films shot for and in 3-D have the advantage of being almost designed for that medium and they don't suffer the same consequences. From a simple quality of product standpoint, I don't understand the decision to do this at all.

Yes, you could argue that since Industrial Light and Magic and Lucasfilm have pretty much invented new cinematic technologies for their entire existence that maybe they'll find a way to keep from ruining their visual images' clarity and contrast in favor of three dimensional gimmickry. And maybe it will add a new layer of enjoyment for movie-goers.

I just don't think there's truly any motivation for Lucasfilm at this point other than to squeeze even more money out these films. They can charge theaters more for a 3-D print of the films, thereby not only getting the money that they'd get from a re-release anyway, but adding another 20% or so on top of that to cash in on the current 3-D fad.

If I had the chance I would implore George Lucas to stop tinkering with his babies and just let them shine on their original merits. Frankly though, if he were to promise to only mess with the prequels I'd probably be much less given to caring at all. The biggest reason I don't like Phantom Menace in 3-D is that I know eventually my beloved Empire Strikes Back will be given the 3-D treatment...and like a shell-shocked soldier, I'll march into that theater, $18 ticket price in hand, and I'll watch it. But I don't have to like it.