Star Wars: What is the Darth Vader Nip/Tuck Effect?
Darth Vader is a horribly disfigured man who - despite an ultra advanced society brimming with mind-bending technology - won't haul his cloaked behind to a plastic surgeon or participating HMO.
This plot flaw in an otherwise shiny happy science fiction playground sired by George Lucas has been bothering me. It's the 30th anniversary of a Galaxy Long Ago and Far Far Away spinning into existence and as my fellow fan boys rave about how it changed their pitiful, empty lives into slightly cooler pitiful, empty lives, I politely charge Mr. Lucas with an instance of Star Wars narrative illogic.
The 1970's were relatively plastic surgery free. Sure, wealthy - mostly Hollywood - elite partook of the surgeon's sculpting blade, however when Star Wars blasted onto movie screens, Nip Tuck didn't exist in pop culture vernacular. Even so, reconstructive surgery had been around longer than Jabba The Hutt's waistline. Lucas says he finished the story before he ever started filming the first movie. But I wonder...
Has he shown those notes publicly? For all we know, he made it up as he went along. Maybe Darth Vader was going to be unmasked as - a girl! Luke Skywalker's sis Princess Leia would be big, bad and breathy. Clones loom large in the Star Wars universe. Storm troopers are clones. Could devious Darth Vader have been a clone of likeable Luke in one story draft - or more accurately - was Luke Skywalker merely a clone raised on that desert planet with two suns?
Speaking of clones, here's why the notion of a supremely powerful despotic leader strutting around in stuffy armor, not availing himself of wickedly effective medical miracles is pretty loopy. He has to look like that you say? As a mysterious Dark Lord of the Sith, he must keep up appearances. Maybe. So this incredibly focused dude with a vast empire at his disposal, doesn't run to a clinic for new lungs? Cloned organs should be a piece of medical droid cake.
I can buy the cloaked figure of doom. I can even buy wearing a funky helmet to inspire dread in your spineless underlings, but not ditching an oxygen compressor for real lungs? Vader slices off his whiny kid's hand. Rebels give Luke a perfectly natural looking cybernetic one, yet Darth Vader can't get similar or better medical healing in the more advanced Empire? Oy Vader!
Star Wars plays with politics. Lucas fancies himself a sci-fi Mark Twain of cinema. Let's consider this for the 2008 Presidential Election. Attention: Hilary Clinton, Rudy Giuliani, Barack Obama, Mitt Romney, John McCain, John Edwards. Don't fret over healthcare when campaigning. Just invoke the Dark Vader Nip Tuck effect, clearly illustrating to the public that healthcare is so complex, not even a future utopia has licked healthcare woes.
Published by Will Stape
Will is an Emmy Award nominated screenwriter. He also writes extensively for magazines and the web. Will penned episodes for the TV shows, Star Trek: The Next Generation & Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.... View profile
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32 Comments
Post a CommentThe Emperor simply did Darth Vader like Giuliani did the NY Fire Department: Sure, he could've spent a little time making sure the brain was connected to all the body parts; but who needs all those 'extra' body-parts when the ones still working can still support you in your hostile takeover (if they're turned evil under your spell, UNLIKE the NYFD).
Well, In all their advances the empire could not replace limbs other than robotics. Darth is more machine than a human. When Luke defeated his father he used a hand that had been replaced by robotics. Darth Vaders helmet, chest plate, etc not only kept him alive but had to be maintained once in awhile. The story makes sense since it was a society dependent on robots.
Starwars is fiction. Therefore this is all irrelevant.
The truth is that Anakin Skywalker is a whiny brat who killed his one love and continued to look like that because he could never forgive himself. Only when dying did he let his guard down and let his son convince him that deep down he was a good person.
Understand that even with the omnipotent Dark Side of the Force in domination, the extensive type of procedure Darth would require would result in his not being covered by his insurance carrier. Even if cosmetic procedures would not normally be covered anyway, exceptions are made in cases where accidents took place. So, we end up with Lord Vader in his dark, mysterious cloak, alive until his very own flesh and blood pops the hood to reveal Darth's Fatherly Face of kindness.
Great article, funny yet very insightful.
Loved it! Thanks for the laughs.
The title alone is great, good article thanks.
I loved this-- so much I want to enjoy a star wars movie night soon!!!
Humorous take! Maybe he had plastic surgery from Michael Jackson's plastic surgeon? It would explain a lot. But more seriously, if you want to see why Vader was horribly scarred, check out Kurosawa's The Hidden Fortress and you can see where Lucas pulled Vader, scars and all.