Star Wars: Sex, Bribes and Tasty Treats

For some unknown reason, Star Wars still plays a prominent roll in today's popular culture. Smarter/boreder men than I have spent hours going on years trying to figure out why this series refuses to die. There seems to be no clear cut reasoning for it's prolonged lifespan.

Whilst lazily using StumbleUpon to browse the Internet, I came across a semi amusing photo. There's no doubt others have witnessed said picture before. I'm almost willing to bet other peoples money on the fact that this thing has been around the proverbial block a few times already...

..There are t-shirts with the pictures caption for cripes sake!

It's a picture that features the Dark Lord of the Sith( no, not Cheney, Vader) offering up membership to the Republic. That description gives very little reason for being amused, I know.What's funny is the incentive for going to the dark side.

He doesn't offer up eternal life, Free Dental, that new George Foreman G5 Grill or anything else that may seem typical. Nah, Vader has a much better plan. if you decide to take him up on his offer, you will gain access to his secret stash of snacks!

At first glance, it looks like just another attempt from some random dork to keep this aging series fresh in everyone's minds. It's kinda funny when taken at face value. Imagine some powerful being having to resort to such a silly bribe just to gain followers.

When you take time to think about it, It's actually a genius ploy. Greed in today's society runs rampant. Some people would smack their grandmother in the face with a Halibut if it meant they could acquire vast riches, or a minor role in a popular television drama.

Cookies would work pretty darn well when it comes to getting minions. Everybody knows about the subliminal messages in Keebler Elves commercials. At least, I hope everyone knows about that. If not, I may have to start sleeping with one eye open. Keebler's Secret Squirrel Unit is a pain in the nut to deal with, as they like to conduct missions in the dead of night by throwing bark and frozen yellow Peeps at your window...

...Yeah, so you join up with The dark Sith dude. Everything is hunky dory(whatever that is) until the night of your introduction. You find yourself in a small, confining room. A room that is ripe with surveillance cameras...

Vader walks in with a plate of Chocolate chip heaven, a glass of milk, and some misc. item tucked beneath his arm. He goes on a short rant about how unbelievably lame most people are, and their fear of awesomeness. He hands you the cookies and milk and welcomes you to the team.

Before the seven foot tall, Asmatic d-bag leaves the cramped room, he mutters something about honing your focus during rough ordeals, He then gives you the newspaper hidden under his mechanical armpits. the seed of misfortune has now been planted.

Instead of questioning everything that happened over the last few moments(why are there voyeur cameras? Did Vader make a failed attempt at comedy? Why did they give me a news paper headlining some stock market crash?), you instead devourer the moist and delectable bribe you came for.

After about twelve minutes of speculation regarding the use of nutmeg or brown sugar in the cookies, you then realize the degree of danger in your current predicament. The door is locked, milk is chunky, and if it were 1929, your 401k would be shot! Oh, and it feels like there's a roller coaster in your intestines.

This cramped containment cell is lacking in any necessities(toilet, bucket, a transcript from the O'reilly Factor to wipe with). Vader's quip about focus should have been a dead giveaway, but NNNOOOOOO! Because of your greedy sweet tooth, you are now forced to defecate in your pants, on live TV in front of the entire Galactic Empire.

There is a chance the cookies could be regular cookies. Laxative seems like a childish little prank. One would expect a powerful being the likes of Darth Vader to have more integrity than that. Being an angst ridden cyborg is one thing. Resorting to lame hazing rituals is another.Would you be willing to take a chance for the privilege of downing evil pastries?