StarShip Troopers 2

First thought: Different people I know have told me that it is not worth watching, and so I have set out to prove them wrong. Whether or not I am able to do so, only this review will tell.

Storyline Synopsis: A squad of about twenty space marines is trapped in an abandoned outpost base, with a very large number of bugs coming in to attack. They struggle with their morale, the bugs, and their captain's inability to fire his weapon at the bugs.

Detailed Story: The movie starts, and a federation public service announcement brings you up to date in case you haven't watched the first movie. "The Federation needs Heroes!", the advertisement exclaims. The scene changes to a squad of marines surrounded by bugs, a radio technician calls up the fleet and. tells them to NOT come and rescue them.

This is just the first instance of idiocy training in the mobile infantry. After calling to not come, the general tells him to call back and come pick them up, but the radio magically doesn't work. After that, their plan is to leave the general and a bunch of guys on the hill and go with the rest of the squad to an abandoned fort and hold until the transport arrives. The very poorly done lightning flashes serve to light the terrain and give short glimpses of the bugs.

They break free of the hill they are on, and march to the fort. The fort looks like some big retarded robot.
Inside the fort, a soldier finds the radio to be "broken and in operational", meaning that a giant-ass alien arm is stuck into it, and some cut wires are hanging from the ceiling.

They turn on the power to the base, and some green lights activate on the outside, showing the aliens where they are. They get a reading on their alien-o-graph, showing aliens by the hundred approaching the base. Instead of going on the roof and firing down on the aliens or using some other, GOOD combat strategy, they go outside of the base, and set up positions behind some cement slabs that were left on the ground.

They see the rows and rows of aliens circling the base, and open fire. Well, most of them. The captain leans against the wall, crying like a pansy and making a point of NOT firing his pistol, which, by the way, looks like someone taped a rail sight to a Nintendo blaster.

At this point, I would like to point out the special effects. They are what I like to call "very special" effects. The soldiers' rifles (and giant battle gun) have flashlights in the barrels that turn on when the soldier pulls the trigger. The sound effect for this is something along the lines of a child's cartoon blaster. Twoom! The alien bugs were obviously blue-screened on, and rarely interact directly with the soldiers.

But just when the aliens are nearing the base's walls, the top of the big retarded robot (that we earlier identified as the abandoned base) opens, and it throws out some bombs.

The base's intercom says "PERIMETER BURN! PERIMETER BURN!" And the bugs all die.
The biggest guy there takes charge and calls for two volunteers to go with him and set up the defensive wall.
Two come forward and they leave the base. The big guy tells the smaller soldier to splice two of the wires together. This takes the soldier about two minutes. When he finishes, the thing he was working on lights up.

The general, having survived the suicide hill defense, is spotted with three other soldiers running across the field, with two bugs right behind. The general leads his men through the space between the two poles, and when the bug tries to go through, it dies spectacularly.

The general gets back and tells everyone how he survived. He was about to lose, but then deus ex machina kicked in and a couple of other soldiers showed up and saved the day. The very first question the general asks is "has pickup been arranged? The pansy officer just stands there.

The pansy officer leads the general to the radio room. One of the new troopers is a technician, so the general gets him working on fixing the radio that has a giant alien claw imbedded in it. The pansy officer starts making fun of the technician. "How long has it been since you last showered?"

The general commands everyone in the base to rest. The big guy confronts the pansy officer, pointing out his inability to lead. The officer tells the big guy he's committing treason. At this point I got sick of the movie, and shut it down. This comes not so much from the horridness or the movie, as... well... actually the movie is quite horrid. That'll be why.

Defining Moment: The bugs closing in, the captain leans against the side of the base, crying like a pansy. He just blows his whistle to command fire at will, then hang back and watches troops die.

Final score
2/10