Starting a New Career in My 50s

I am, once again, looking for gainful employment. When I began my present position over six years ago, I really thought I'd be here a lot longer. But as the years wore on the end seemed inevitable, although when was not known and how was not known. I've reached another one of those crossroads in my life that I don't have a clue how it will turn out. I really don't know the next step.

At 51 years of age, with a plethora of health problems, and no college degree, I find myself in a tight spot. I have plenty of diversified experience but it is very difficult to go beyond entry level positions without a degree. At my age, entry level jobs are not a viable option because they don't pay enough to take care of my family and even if they did most companies are looking for younger, fresh out of college prospects that they can mold into the kind of employee they want for the future. I'm one of those old dogs that many believe cannot be taught new tricks.

For the last six plus years I have served as general manager for one of the flagship radio stations of the Calvary Satellite Network, known as CSN International. CSN is an outreach ministry of Calvary Chapel of Costa Mesa, California. This was a dream assignment for me. But the dream became less than sweet.

To give you some background, so that you might understand why this position was such a great fit, I have to go back a few years.

On November 23rd, 1987 my whole world was turned upside down. Actually it all began just a few months previous. I woke up one morning and became aware of myself and my surroundings, in reality, for, possibly, the first time in my life. I was a selfish idiot, whose selfishness was costing him his wife and two children. I felt empty, frightened beyond belief, and depression set in. As the months wore on and my wife continually threatened me with divorce I really contemplated suicide. In fact, one afternoon when my wife called me every filthy name you could think of (before you blame her, I deserved it) and told me she hated my &)(*&(*^ guts, I left home in my truck with the intention of an appointment with a tree at a high rate of speed. On the way something happened. I began to think about my children; my two little blonde haired sweeties that adored their far from perfect dad. At first my thoughts were that they would be better off without me. But as I began to think of them and my wife I began to look at things a bit differently. I broke down and cried and for the first time in my life I cried out to God in anguish. I remember saying, "God if you don't do something I don't know how long I can go on like this. You have to do something!" Well the thought of driving my truck into a tree lost its insistence and I drove towards home. I began a journey that day that led me to a relationship with the true God.

I began watching Christian TV. I would listen to preacher after preacher and I prayed with every one of them to receive Christ. Nothing happened! I would pray and afterward I was the same guy as before the prayer. I realize now why. What I was being told was a different gospel. I was being told about a different Jesus. It was the old, now defunct, PTL network with Jim and Tammy Faye. I heard them all. Dwight Thompson, Oral Roberts, Benny Hinn, Robert Tilton, Jerry Falwell, Jimmy Swaggart, and others whose names you would most likely recognize. I prayed with them all. But I wasn't changed! I heard prosperity gospel from Fredrick KC Price. I saw flamboyant Rod Parsley pray over a television camera and other hi-jinks from people as wacky, or wackier than they. I know now that I was listening to a different gospel, for the most part, about a different Savior. Oh they called him Jesus, but now that I really know HIM I understand that HE, the real Savior, bore little if any resemblance to the one propagated by most of the men I heard on PTL. Because I was hearing something that fell short of the Truth; the Word of God, I did not have faith. Oh I tried to. I may have had faith in their stories, but that faith did not change me. It could not. What I was hearing was not the Truth. The Book of Romans, in the Bible, says, "Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God." Knowing that a person is saved by grace through faith, it is easy now to see how I did not get saved with those guys. The word they presented was not the Word and so it could not produce faith. I finally came into contact with a man who presented the true gospel to me about the true Jesus and I came to faith in HIM; in HIS Word. I was saved and I knew it. I was changed and I've never been the same since. The LORD changed me and gave me the strength to work on my marriage and HE healed us. We are still together today.

You are probably wondering about now, what does this have to do with my current job and the need for a new one. I'm getting to it, be patient.

I was saved on November 23rd, 1987. I was a professional musician, playing in a club/concert band that did some recording and had a smattering of success in regional radio. I quit the band in January of 1988. My dream to that point had always been to be a huge success in the music business. I wanted to be a rock star! It seems so silly and trivial to me now. I had no idea what I was going to do without the music gig, however. I took a job in a factory and prayed. After I had been saved about six months I felt the LORD telling me that I was called to ministry. I didn't know what that meant for sure and I sort of put it on the back burner. In August of 1988 I had a violent car crash and through all of that the LORD told me HE was serious about the calling. I began to consider it seriously after that. I really wanted to be in ministry full time.

For the next 12 years I worked as an insurance agent/financial planner, manager of a recording studio, co-owner of an audio/video production company, and all the while was involved in ministry of various sorts on a part time, volunteer basis. I taught children's ministry, played in the church worship band, and began to grow in the LORD. I never forgot the calling the LORD had placed on my life.

In 2000, after a pretty successful couple of years in a new start up business, the LORD smacked me in the face when HE told me to leave it. I had a partner who totally did not understand. We were a legal corporation and the breakup was much like a divorce. It had all the nastiness and painful emotion of a divorce. And I was left without work, without a savings to speak of and no options. On top of that my wife was pregnant with our last child, our only son, Luke. We have three daughters and the youngest was 10 years old when Luke was born. It was a pretty traumatic time. I ran into brick wall at every turn in attempting to find gainful employment. Then the LORD told me not to look for a job! What???? Don't look for a job? I know you are thinking, "That's crazy!" Yes it is, but God said it. So I quit looking. I was able to do a little part time work at the church, editing some of Pastor Ron's teaching for radio while I was looking. It bought some groceries but my payments on my car and other bills were not being met. I was falling farther behind and deeper in the hole, and I didn't know how I was going to get out. Then I got a call from Mike Slack.

Mike was, and is an elder at my home church, Calvary Christian Fellowship, in Howe, Indiana. Mike was the manager of the radio stations located in our church facility. He asked me if I wanted to go to work in radio. I wasn't sure. He asked me to pray about it and I began doing that. There's more to the story, but the LORD opened that door and placed me in full time ministry managing two Christian radio stations. It was amazing! I was working full time in ministry, helping spread the gospel. I was in an environment that part of my job was studying the Bible and ministering to people! What was even more awesome was that I went to my home church to work every day! I became part of a team whose sole purpose is to minister to Word of God to people. The LORD had allowed me to be in full time ministry.

For the last six years I have been busy managing Christian radio, teaching the Bible to those who find themselves in the sin of addiction to drugs and alcohol, teaching children, doing adult Bible studies and even getting to teach in the pulpit a few times on Sunday morning. The LORD was and is growing me up and leading me farther into the ministry that HE has called me to. I believe He has called me to be a pastor. I have functioned in that role in the radio ministry and have assisted my pastor, in ministering to those in our fellowship. Three years ago I was asked to be an elder at Calvary Christian Fellowship of Howe. But now the reason I was able to be at the church every day and to function as easily in the calling of the LORD is, seemingly, going away. And it seems that the calling of the LORD has put me in a place that causes the separation.

I have never been one to follow blindly. I usually go against the grain. I've never really swam against the current just to aggravate of be different, it is just that I am not content to accept things the way they are just because they've always been perceived or done that way. I have never forgotten the days when I was seeking the LORD and so-called men of the LORD were teaching me a different gospel that had no power to save me. And after I was saved and began following the LORD I saw the hypocrisy and self-seeking every where I looked. It was easier before I became involved with Christian radio. I could speak out against those that were off base and it was not a problem. But my focus was narrow.

I realized I had not looked as hard at myself and my practices. The LORD was faithful to bring me to a place that I had to look at myself. That began to happen a couple of years before my current stint in radio ministry, but became intensified as I left the business I was building and entered the radio ministry. As I examined my life and began to make changes, I began to rid myself of practices that were in opposition to God's Word. The more I did that I began to see the gospel more clearly. As I am coming out of my fog and understanding the Truth of an unchanging, loving, God who set me free, I understand that HE has righteous requirements; HIS Commandments that HE says we are to live by. The more I read the Commandments the more I was shown the error of many of the teachers on the stations that I managed. As I am going through this change so are several in our fellowship, including my pastor.

The fellowship I attend was, up until a couple of months ago, in fellowship with Calvary Chapel, Costa Mesa, California. Chuck Smith, pastor and founder of the Calvary movement was also one of the founders of the Calvary Satellite Network that owned the stations I managed. An anonymous letter to him was all it took for Calvary Christian to be removed as an outreach fellowship of CC Costa Mesa. Within days I learned that my position would be eliminated as the studios were to be moved from our church's facilities.

For over six years I've struggled with many things I've heard on the very stations that I manage. It was always a conflict, but one that I endured and persevered in for several reasons. First of all there was some solid teaching, especially that of my pastor, but others as well. Secondly, I felt called to try and make a difference. It always got me into hot water as I was bringing up problems with various teaching segments and my input was not always received with open arms and open minds by many. But I continued to do so as I was led by the LORD. I knew that the time would come when I would no longer be able to continue working for CSN, whether they were to let me go, or I would have to leave on my own. Either way, I believe that the LORD would lead me out when the time was right. It appears that time has come. CSN has eliminated the need for me.

I don't want you to get me totally wrong here. I am not bitter about this. There are several men and women within CSN that I love dearly and pray for. In fact I continue praying for all of them from the board level on down. But we have come to an obvious fork in the road and we aren't going the same direction. Now I'm looking for that next open door.

I know the LORD has called me to the ministry. I believe I am to be a pastor. HE has gifted me in many areas and allowed me to have a variety of experiences. I don't know exactly when my last day at CSN will be; possibly in just under two months. I don't know how the LORD will provide for my family. But I know HE will. HE knows the next step. I trust HIM. My dream job was a sweet dream but it has had some not so sweet episodes in it. But sweet or otherwise the LORD has grown me up and readied me for the next part of this fantastic journey of faith, as HE continues the work of grace in and through me that HIS grace might cause me to walk in HIS Statutes, keep HIS Commandments, and make a difference in the lives of those who have ears to hear.