Starting Over in Relationships in Your Golden Years

The end of a marriage through death or divorce does not necessarily mean that you will never be part of a couple again. Even those seniors who firmly believe that they will never re-marry or even enter into another relationship again sometimes find themselves starting over in just that area.

As with practically everything else, relationships in one's golden years are different, and this includes starting over. In fact, for many seniors, the initial beginning is the hardest time. Here are a few tips that may make it easier.

Recognize that you will have ambivalent feelings.

Feelings of betrayal or disloyalty to a former spouse, especially when the relationship ended through death, are normal and they will surface. When they do, acknowledge them and take the time to explore them thoroughly. If necessary, speak to a trusted friend or spiritual advisor. (It is probably best not to talk to a family member right off the bat, because that person may be dealing with those same ambivalent feelings.)

While you are dealing with these feelings, be honest with your new companion. Let that person know that you are experiencing them (you may be surprised to learn that you aren't the only one.) If you feel that a little "space" is needed while you work through these, be upfront about that. The other person will appreciate your honesty.

Recognize that "puppy love" is possible even when you're a "mature doggy".

OK, so that analogy probably stinks a little bit, but you know what I'm trying to get at. Infatuation knows no age limits, and it's just as easy to have those same feelings now, when you're starting over, as it was when you were younger. This time, though, you're more mature in many ways, so you're probably going to know a lot sooner if those feelings are real. Further, the person to whom you are attracted will most likely let you know fairly quickly if they are reciprocated.

Part of the reason for this may be because most seniors don't have the time or the patience for the silly games they played when they were younger, and when they are honest with themselves, they remember that they didn't much like playing them then, and that hasn't changed.

And, in many ways, this is good when starting over. It's actually refreshing to realize that you don't have to go through all the angst that you did when you were younger.

These are just a couple of issues that you may find yourself dealing with as you are starting over. The best thing to do is simply handle these and any others (such as the reactions of family members and friends) as they come.