Stay Away from Hammers and Saws

My friend, Stanley Thorn, had not had time for a haircut and Inspection was scheduled for the next day. "Can you give me a haircut, buddy, " he asked, "I need one bad."

"Stan, I've never done anything like that," I objected.

"Please," he begged, "I'll get gigged."

I continued to protest but he prevailed. We found a chair, pair of scissors, comb, safety razor, and blanket. He sat on the chair, put the blanket around his shoulders and the operation began. At the end we both knew the result had been a disaster but we hoped the captain would not notice.

We were standing at attention in the ranks when the inspection began.

"Who gave you that haircut," he asked Stan the next day as Captain Ross reviewed the troops. "The private next to me," Stanley responded, motioning in my direction.

"Next time, go to the post barbershop," the captain advised as he, accompanied by the First Sergeant and the lieutenant moved to where I was standing. "Was that your work, Private?" he demanded. "Yes sir." I replied.

"Where did you learn to give haircuts like that,?'he asked peering at me. "I never did a haircut before, sir," I said.

"Why would you do something that bad to someone in the U. S. Army?".

"He needed a haircut bad and he asked me for it, sir."

"I suppose what you did wasn't all that bad. Soldiers need to help each other. We could consider that part of your training. Are you planning to do any barbering when you leave the service?"

"No, sir, not at all, sir!" I responded vigorously.

"Good thinking!" he commented. Something requiring less manual dexterity might be good for you. I'd recommend you stay away from careers that involve hammers and saws, things like that!"

"Yes sir, thank you sir!"

Out of the corner of my eye I saw the sergeant's left hand clapped tightly against his mouth as the trio moved to the next soldier in the ranks.