Stay Cool! Beat Stress! (Teenagers)

The teenage years are exciting and challenging for many of us as we are faced with many changes. For example, we change physically; we start to search for our own identities and we desire independence. These changes can make us feel stressed and frustrated.

We may get stressed out handling our school work and relationships with parents and friends. To stay cool, we need to know about stress, its causes and how we can beat it effectively.

Stress is how our body reacts to changes. Our thoughts, feelings and beliefs about changes in a particular situation can make stress a positive or negative experience.

For example, if we move to a new school and think of it as an exciting and happy experience, the stress can be considered a positive experience. If we think the new school will never be the same as the old one and feel very sad about the move, then stress can become a negative experience.

Our stress usually comes from:

Examinations

Peer pressure

Family expectations

Relationships

Personal expectations

Changes in our routine

No one can run away from stress, as it is part and parcel of our lives. Some of us may have difficulty managing it but others may thrive on the adrenaline rush that stress brings.

For example, we feel our heart beating faster as we get ready to present our project to the whole class. Some of us may have stage fright or a mental block and become speechless; others may be grinning from ear to ear, all ready to show off their ideas.

Stress can be a motivation to excel, but when stress makes us feel frustrated for a long time, it is bad for us. It is important for us to learn to manage stress, find our optimal level and use it to motivate and encourage ourselves rather than allow it to discourage us.

What are some symptoms of stress?

We may be suffering from an unhealthy level of stress if we:

Feel anxious and tired out most of the time

Lose our appetite

Lose interest in our usual activities

Cannot concentrate on our studies

Get irritated and angered easily

Have difficulty sleeping well through the night

Have frequent headaches

Have difficulty making decisions

Have falling grades

To manage stress, we need to start by looking at ourselves. Do we feel good about ourselves? Are we confident of our abilities? Being positive and confident helps build our self-esteem. Having high self-esteem (feeling good about ourselves) can help us to manage stress better.

Self-esteem is the value we see in ourselves as a person. It depends on:

Our past achievements

How we think others see us

Our purpose in life

Our potential for success

Our strengths and weaknesses

Having a high self-esteem means we value ourselves highly and are confident and optimistic of our abilities and achievements. Hence, we are more motivated and have the right attitude, even if we fail, we will still be able to manage stress.

We all have to go through examinations in school. Can you remember how you felt the last time you sat for an examination? Nervous? Stressed out? Sometimes, just the thought of the "E" word may make us feel stressed.

We can all beat the stress of examinations by preparing well for them.

Here are suggestions that can be used to help us in our exam preparation:

Organizing your space

Think about where you study best. Your study environment should be comfortable (not too cold, hot or noisy) for you.

Separate your "studying" space from your "relaxing" place, so that you can keep distractions away and concentrate.

Organizing your time

Make a list of subjects and topics you have to study. Put a tick against each item once you have completed it, so you know what you have achieved.

Draw up a revision schedule. Be realistic about how much you can achieve.

Motivating yourself

Establish a study routine. Follow your schedule faithful.

Start with the easier or more interesting subjects to gain the momentum before you move on to the more difficult subjects.

Reward yourself when you meet your revision targets by doing something you enjoy.

Have a good study buddy so you can motivate each other.

Improving concentration

Take short breaks when you are tired. Go for a stroll or jog to distress.

We can also beat stress by following these relaxation techniques:

Deep breathing

Sit up straight or lie down.

Take normal, deep breaths.

Feel your stomach rise and fall with the breathing.

Count each breath as you breathe out.

Count 10 breaths in a row. If you miss a breath, start again.

After 10 breaths, repeat the above steps.

Focus on the breathing and block out all other thoughts.

Repeat as many times as necessary.

Muscle relaxation (hands and face)

Bend and straighten fingers several times to increase blood flow.

Let your fingers and hands hang loosely; gently shake your hands.

Clench your fists and curl the wrists inward; cut the wrists back; rotate fists in circles.

Wiggle the face; raise and lower the eyebrows; puff out the cheeks; relax the jaw.

Gently massage your ears: pull the ear lobes down gently and massage them; release and gently grab the entire ear, rotating it in small circles.

Mental relaxation

Play some soft music.

Sit on a comfortable chair or lie down.

Close your eyes.

Do some deep breathing. Relax all your muscles and let your body go limp.

Think of pleasant, soothing images such as beautiful sceneries.

Continue until you feel relaxed.

Sometimes, you may feel pressurized by your friends into doing something that you may not agree with. Your may have gone along with what they are doing to be a part of the "in" crowd.

Peer pressure is how we feel when friends whom we hang out with try to influence us to act in certain ways or to make certain decisions. Peer pressure can be positive or negative.

Positive peer pressure can motivate us towards success or inspire us to do something worthwhile. It also encourages us to adopt positive behaviors.

Negative peer pressure makes us turn to activities that may harm us, like abusing drugs, smoking or even gang fights. Negative peer pressure can sometimes cause us to become stressed.

Knowing who to listen to and who to avoid will help you stand firm against negative peer pressure.

One basic thing that we can do in handling negative peer pressure is to firmly say, "No, I don't want to do that."

Learning to say 'NO' can help us stay away from situations that can stress us or cause harm to ourselves or others. We can plan in advance what we want to say or do if we encounter such situations. Here are some steps to help us think ahead.

1. Try to anticipate possible situations.

2. List out options in handling situation.

3. Choose the best option.

4. Stick to our stand and be firm.

Look at the situation below:

If your friend offers you a cigarette, you can say "NO" by:

Telling them the reason e.g. "I don't like the smell of cigarettes, especially on my hair and clothes."

Suggesting something else to do instead e.g. "Why don't we go roller-blading instead? It's more fun."

Getting them to empathize e.g. "Smoking is bad for my health, do you want me to fall sick?"

Excusing ourselves politely e.g. "I have to go now, please excuse me."

Our stress does not just come from our studies. It can also come from the way we handle our relationships with our parents and friends.

At times we may feel that we have problems communicating with our parents. The problems may stem from the way we speak to each other or the tone of our voice. As we grow from a child to a teenager, the way we think and behave change. We tend to spend more time with our friends and therefore our expectations and those of our parents differ. Conflicts and misunderstandings also arise when there is little communication.

It is the same with friends. Some of us get along well with some friends but may have conflicts with others. We must understand that each of us manages our life differently. We have different goals and expectations of ourselves and others.

Therefore, we need to be more patient and tolerant of one another. We should not allow these differences to sour relationships. The key to a harmonious relationship is to follow these tips!

Be supportive in times of trouble.

Listen to what our parents/friends have to say.

Understand what our parents/friends may be facing in their lives.

Encourage and not criticize.

Communicate with our parents/friends with warmth and respect.

Appreciate our parents/friends for who they are and not what they have done/have not done.

Be honest and sincere about ourselves and towards others.

Spend time with our parents.

Here are some ways we can avoid conflicts:

1. Communicate

Our parents/friends may not understand us unless we communicate our thoughts to them. We can write short notes to them if we have difficulty talking to them face-to-face. We can also find someone to help us speak to them on our behalf.

2. Listen with our heart

We often get into arguments with our parents over issues like returning home late, friends whom we hang out with or the way we dress. However, if we try to understand our parents' intention rather than their words or tone, it can often mean "I'm really worried about you", "I fear for your safety" etc. In other words, we are important to them.

3. Cool down

When people get angry and start shouting at one another, they make hurtful remarks they do not mean. The best thing to do is to stop arguing immediately and walk away. Tell the other party that we need to cool down before discussing the issue again.

4. Apologize

When we are in the wrong, we must learn to say sorry. Be sincere with our apology. This simple action can do wonders.

5. Be supportive

When family members or friends quarrel among themselves, we should give them time to cool off and lend them a listening ear when they need to talk. Do not take sides but aim to find the best way to resolve their problems.

Stress is part and parcel of life. The tips mentioned above can help us to manage stress from studies or relationships in our daily life as teenagers. Just remember, if you start feeling anxious, tensed or frustrated, stop what you are doing. Ask yourself why you may be feeling this way.

If you have negative thoughts, you need to challenge them. Think back to the times when you managed to solve your problems. How we resolved our problems in the past may help us with the present one. Ask someone for help if necessary. Positive thinking is not only necessary for the development of high self-esteem, it is also crucial for managing stress.

Remember, having a healthy body helps maintain a healthy mind. So eat right, exercise regularly, and keep away from cigarettes and drugs!

Be Strong, Be Positive and Just Keep Going!