Stay at Home Dad: Are You Ready for It?

I've been a stay-at-home dad for three years. For any of you thinking about this monumental life style change, let me clue you in on some unexpected transformations that will occur. First, watch the movie Mr. Mom, it is a fairly accurate depiction. I did find myself wearing the same flannel shirt just about everyday. I did grow a beard. I did gain weight. I watched the Price Is Right faithfully, and still do. But, like in the movie, I couldn't help but to peek around the corner while doing the dishes to see the drama unfold on The Young and The Restless. Hey, it just came on after the game show, not my fault.

Oh if my poker buddies could see me doing that, it wouldn't be pretty. I think they were catching on to my loss of manhood when I hosted a poker game and the normal pretzels and chips were replaced with fancy appetizers straight out of Woman's Day Magazine.

The kids had to adjust to good ole' dad being home all the time. I was strict at first, and even grumpy at times. But soon we learned to respect each other's space, settling into a routine of who would be on the computer at certain times of the day , or what television shows to watch, thank God for Tivo. Now that my kids are young teenagers, they do their own thing. Heck, I don't even see them much during the day anymore. Which brings me to another dilemma, loneliness. I thought being alone for a good part of the day would be best thing in the world. After about six months, that got old real fast.

One can only watch the birds empty the bird feeder, or the rain gauge fill with rain, or icicles form on the gutters, or play stare down games with the dogs for so long. It's easy to become the character played by Jack Nicholson in The Shining. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. I began to take naps to avoid having disturbing and random thoughts. That helped, but then I became vampire-like and quite nocturnal. My wife was not happy about me staying up late. It ruined our routine of going to bed together for the last twenty years.

My wife moving up the executive chain, and my kids' college paid for from an inheritance, gave me the opportunity to try this ego-altering, role-switching, life style change. I took on all the responsibilities of the housework. That was part of the deal. Cleaning, laundry, dishes, kids' homework, outside chores, I did it all. My wife could then concentrate on her job and relax when she got home. It really gave me an idea of what housewives went through back in the 1950's and beyond. What a shock it was when I realized I had truly assumed that role. It happened one day when I found myself "cleaning up" my appearance in the afternoon so I would look good for my hard working wife when she walked through the door. I had become June Cleaver.

And I must say, it felt like I wasn't wearing the pants anymore. (Not that I was ever a patriarch, we always shared the decisions for the family). This was the hardest adjustment of all. As a married couple, we didn't recognize what was happening. I was left out of some major decision making when it came to our sixteen year old daughter who was just starting to drive. My feelings were hurt. I have learned to just go with the flow. I know that sounds weak, but I feel like in this situation, the one who brings home the bacon, becomes the head of the household. It can't be helped.

Stay-at-home dads are on the rise. Do I dare say it is because women are moving up the pay scale quicker? Whatever the reason, it is nice to have a parent home especially when the kids are at a crucial, vulnerable age. The kids are just about old enough to be home alone, though there are times when they act like spoiled third graders. I have recently started looking for "real" employment again. The last three years I have sold items on Ebay, and for me, that gets old too. Hopefully, a three year stint as a stay-at-home dad, won't be detrimental on my resume. It's been hard work. I have a new appreciation of housework, and will do more than my share if I ever get a job again.