Stay at Home Dad's Etiquette Guide to Chuck E. Cheese

The blaring lights. The bells and whistles. The tickets for tokens games. Chuck E. Cheese can seem like the perfect entertainment center for the stay-at-home dad who's run out of "I Spy" ideas. But if you aren't careful, the Chuck E. Cheese trip could turn out to be a Faustian nightmare that turns the mouse house into an Amityville horror. You're stay-at-home dad status may already get strange glares from the ladies when you walk in, so don't jeopardize your image by breaking some of the unwritten rules of Chuck E. Cheese.

NO laptops. This may seem like the best place to let your kids go wild and free, but it isn't true. Sitting in a corner with a laptop can solidify the stereotype that you're just filling in until mom gets back. Don't bring a laptop or anything that even hints you aren't paying attention to your kids. This doesn't mean you don't get to have fun. You'll have your chance to play games.

The 2 Foot Rule. Nothing ends a trip to Chuck E. Cheese faster than an injury. Chuck E. Cheese may be a kid's place, but not every kid has mastered the physics of running. If your kid is under two feet tall, they shouldn't go anywhere without holding your hand or a sibling's hand. The games and excitement are mostly at the three foot level, so that big kid doesn't always see the smaller kid once he gets wind that Dance Dance Revolution has an open spot.

Yelling. Yelling at your kids is an absolute no-no. Even if your kids are paying you absolutely no attention and they are screaming and kicking on the way out of Chuck E. Cheese's, do not yell at them. You will forever be seen as the dad that "lost it" and "oh, remember THAT guy?" Other parents understand kids having tantrums, not other parents having tantrums.

There are no state laws that require a minimum amount of Chuck E. Cheese trips that children must have or the Department of Social Services will take them away. Before you set foot into Chuck E. Cheese, let your kids know that if they throw a tantrum when it's time to go, they won't be coming back for at least a month and you won't stop by the prize booth.

Time Limits. Chuck E. Cheese fills up faster than a clogged toilet. Every kid wants to play every game. Make sure you track how much time your kids are on each game or machine. I've seen far too many occasions where someone's kid just won't let go of the steering wheel-even if he isn't playing. If you've wondered in your head "who the hell's kid is that?", then don't let him be yours.

Focus, Focus, Focus. The truth about Chuck E. Cheese is that along with stay-at-home dads, there are several stay-at-home moms that could prove to be an aesthetic distraction. Do not stare directly into the moms. Friendly conversation is one thing; outright staring and drooling is another. While you're looking at her, there's another set of moms looking at YOU looking at her. Do your best to focus on the fun you're SUPPPOSED to have there, and your chivalry will prove rewarding at home when you make a trip there with your spouse.