Stay Home when You're Sick and Don't Infect Your Co-Workers

A good friend of mine was very sick recently and missed an important company event and several days of work because his co-worker came to work with the Plague instead of using her allotted sick time and staying home. How about you? Do you come to work on days when you have a cold, strep throat, a stomach virus? Do you "tough it out" to either prove to your boss or yourself that you're stronger and more loyal to the company than everyone else? Really? Well, guess what? You're a jerk.

The reason companies give their employees "sick days" is not because they care about your health. It is because otherwise you will show up to the office with your germs and snot and make all the other employees sick, and they'll actually take their sick days like they're supposed to and then no one will be there to do any work. And all because you didn't want to waste a sick day on actually being sick, because you're saving it for your next Tuesday night of binge-drinking or your long weekend to Catalina. YOU SUCK.

I use sick days when I'm sick, as long as I'm sick. I appreciate them and use them for what they're intended to be used for. Why? First of all, when you're sick you need to rest or you'll stay sick longer. What kind of moron are you that you not only show up to work sick but also make yourself stay sick longer, which means there are more chances to infect your co-workers? Second of all, it makes for a much nicer work environment for you when you don't have to make up a ton of fake excuses and phony symptoms for the sickness you don't have, and walk around feeling guilty and wondering if you'll get found out. Third, and the biggest problem I personally have with you jerks, is that I actually do get sick a few times a year because I have a crappy immune system, and I need all my sick days for when I have a sinus infection or a stomach bug. I end up running out of sick days when every idiot I work with shows up with a cold and sneezes all over me and gives me another damn cold because my colds always turn into sinus infections. And then I have to shell out 40 bucks a pop to go to the fricking doctor to get antibiotics which always make me poop too much and it's all your fault. Just stay the hell home when you're sick.

And I know there are some people who don't get paid for days they're off sick, and that sucks for you, but how about taking one unpaid sick day off to actually get better instead of going to your job feeling like death warmed over for a week?

The bottom line is, don't be so selfish. Think of other people. Think of the guy at the desk next to you who had the flu for two weeks and if you get him sick, he'll get in trouble for taking too many sick days. Think of the girl in the next cubicle who has three kids and if you get her sick, she'll have to take off work to take her little brats to the doctor and be on Puke Patrol for three days. Just suck it up, take the day off, drink some juice, lie on the couch, and stay the hell away from me, you pustule.

Or hell, just keep coming to work sick. You'll be weak and I'll just take that opportunity to kick your ass. I CAN. Because I'M NOT SICK. IF I WAS, I WOULDN'T BE HERE.