Staying Connected with Your Friends as a COPD Patient

Having COPD may have an impact on how you and your friends relate to one another. You may notice friends backing away or, conversely, being overly solicitous. Here are some real concerns that people with COPD have expressed about the impact of their illness on their friend relationships.

My friends smoke and they don't invite me along anymore.

People are creatures of habit. Familiar patterns of interacting are hard to change, but certainly not impossible. While it's not healthy for a person with COPD to be around cigarette smoke, it certainly is healthy to be around good friends. So, plan an outing to a place of your choosing, explain to your friends about the smoking issue, and see what happens. If they're true friends, they will be more than happy to accommodate your needs and support you in staying healthy.

For example, you might invite them over for a rented movie or a televised sporting event. Then, make the porch comfortable for their smoking breaks. Or, go to an outdoor setting, like a minor league baseball game or musical performance, where their smoking won't bother you. Just make sure you sit up-wind from the smoke.

Take Action: Make a list of three places you could invite your friends that would be smoke-free for you and fun for them.

My friends say they'll help, but they do too much or too little.

You and your friends have to become familiar with the new presence of COPD in your lives. All of you may need some help in figuring out how to relate to it. You can help your friends by telling them specific things you do and don't need from them. You can help allay their fears by explaining, "When this happens, it's okay and you don't have to rush in and help me. When that happens, here's what you can do." The more clear you are, the more your friends will be able to help you appropriately.

Take Action: Make a list of the two things you as a COPD patient most need help with right now and the two things you'd like your friends to stop rushing in and doing for you. Think about how you can open this discussion with your friends.

I've been so independent. I can't admit that I need help.

It is very hard for most people to recognize that they need help as a COPD patient and to ask for it. It's especially hard for people who have been independent and self-sufficient all their lives. But, the truth is that most people want to help their friends. You're actually denying your friends the pleasure of being helpful and leaving them feeling helpless, at a time,when you actually need a little help!

Take note of what has become difficult for you as a COPD patient. Then, start by asking for help with something small, like picking up an extra item at the grocery store when they are already going shopping. Everyone will feel more comfortable if you are specific about what you need. That keeps things clear and manageable. And, if you feel like you may be taking advantage of someone, there's nothing wrong with asking whether they feel like you are imposing on them.

Take action: Make a list of your fears as a COPD patient and as a friend about asking for help. Maybe it makes you feel weak or vulnerable. The think about the advantages of asking for help, such as you get to see a friend more often.