Staying Focused (Pt. II)

The life I lived, as difficult as it is from what you may have read, had another twist. After all I had gone through there was still the matter of more personal experiences that needed to be addressed. The problems all added up to "self-will run rampant" as some would say. I say it was a pre-destination plan that also meant I was to suffer some more. The job and new life was a good thing. However, I wasn't prepared for my own success. I allowed old behavioral issues to take control and I became co-dependant in a relationship with someone that had no sincere concern for, the striving desire of a man with a pure heart, but un-learned ways. You see I had the ways of a manchild, but the dreams of one who had a desire for change.

During the moments of my brief success, I began to look for love in the wrong places. Outside of myself, I sought answers, but found more problems with no solutions. Active addiction under the radar, running from the man in me, and placing the blame game became a part of this new experience. Then I got sick from medical conditions. Diabetes, asthma, and related symptoms from those conditions put me in poor health causing me to medically resign from work, which cause me to lose the things I had worked hard to get, to eventually, I got sick with depression and lost that will to live. This was rock bottom, with no sight of a ladder to climb out. That's when I discovered the conditions of the so-called friends that had labeled our friendship with words like "unconditional love." Were they the blame? Not at all.

The hurt and pain gave me the real motivation that led me to write about all I had been through. I read the story of a local author and poet who had completed his first book. This was the motivation that gave me the desire to address my issues and concerns. I started a soul-searching mission towards self-healing. First, I sought the medical attention I needed through the care of a primary physcian at the local community clinic. Second I accepted the conditions of the treatment plan and started behavioral health care services. As the foundation to become treatable and the teaching began, I started to look into my desire to write poetry again. This time it was for the measures of saving my life because I did have a desire to live.

After staying focused on my collection of writings for nearly 18 months, I revised writings I had written almost ten years ago, and thus Poetography: Hear Me Though (chapter one) and Ya'll Still Listening Though (chapter two) were finished. In 2007 things started to look up as I reached out to those that are a part of my life today. As a direct result of "Staying Focused", I am now the debut author & poet of a collection soon to be published by the company owned by the same author & poet who I reached out to.

"Staying Focused" is more than a statement of admission. This is the underlying mission statement that will provide me with a renewed life. I look forward to sharing more. Peace be unto you all.